Recovery- Part 2... Shine Your Light

If you or someone that you know is in recovery from an eating disorder, here is an awesome opportunity... so please take note!!

The Renfrew Center Foundation is offering a FREE seminar on January 5, 2010 at 9 different locations. The seminar is entitled Home for the Holidays: Shine Your Light and topics advertised as included for the workshop are:

*eating challenges during holidays

*how to alleviate holiday stress and pressure

*taking responsibility for your own health and recovery

*survival strategies to stay focused on your recovery

*creating and sustaining relationships at home, work and school.

For a little background.. The Renfrew Center was the first freestanding facility in the US for specifically treating eating disorders, and they now have seven facilities in five different states. The Renfrew Center Foundation is a non-profit organization that serves to educate and train professionals, promote healthy body image, conduct research, advocate and educate policy makers, and provide assistance for women and girls. It receives its funding from The Renfrew Center, as well as private donors. The Renfrew Center and The Renfrew Center Foundation are committed to raising awareness about eating disorders as well as treating them; together they have had a significant impact on the lives of many young girls and women.

If this interests you, these FREE workshops are being held in Radnor, PA; Coconut Creek, FL; New York, NY; Ridgewood, NJ; Wilton, CT; Bethesda, MD; Charlotte, NC; Brentwood, TN; Dallas, TX. If you are close to one of these locations or desire to travel to one of them and are interested in attending, follow this link to register. If you are interested in attending the Florida location, click here as the registration is different.

A Walk Down Recovery Lane with Jenni Schaefer

Jenni Schaefer is the author of two books- Life Without Ed and more recently, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is an activist, educator and motivational speaker, seeking to raise awareness about eating disorders. She is also a musician; she writes music and sings! She recently gave an interview (back in November) sharing her thoughts about being in recovery from an eating disorder. Her most recent book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me is focused on her life post- ED (the name she gave her eating disorder) and her experience of living and loving life without ED! Below is the interview, copy and pasted from November 4th's Planet Blacksburg, the collegiate publication of Virginia Tech.

Q: How would you describe a life of suffering with an eating disorder?

Schaefer: It’s a complicated illness, it doesn’t make sense. I always ate normal when I was around my family. I didn’t really think I had a problem. I knew there was something wrong but didn’t define that as a problem. The denial is so huge in this disease. My friends would comment on my weight, but I thought everyone was jealous. I was lying to myself, not them.

Q: Describe the relationship that you formed with Ed.
Schaefer: I was always depressed. I thought I was never going to get better. My therapist, Thom, kept telling me that was Ed, not Jenni. The eating disorder was my identity. I really thought I was the eating disorder. We label ourselves as the anorexic girl, or the skinniest girl in the world, or the bulimic girl. But that’s not us. And we really grieve when we have to let that identity go.

Q: Your eating disorder started in college. What exactly prompted it?
Schaefer: I have an older brother and a younger brother, and I was the perfect child going to medical school. I appeared to have this perfect life and I always smiled. I knew instantly it was about perfectionism. I was always called ‘Perfect Jenni.’ It was about criticism, and very low self esteem. I realized that my eating disorder helped me control emotions and feelings. I struggled with Ed thoughts at the young age of four. These thoughts grew louder as I grew older. I didn't question the thoughts until I was 22 and at rock bottom.

Q: Who was the first person you told?
Schaefer: I finally got up the courage to tell my ex-boyfriend at the time. I was so ashamed. I was silenced by my eating disorder. I had him tell my parents. I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my brothers. My eating disorder was not going to get better if I stayed silent. I tend to have black and white thinking. That’s part of my recovery, to fight that. Nobody’s going to know, or everybody’s going to know.

Q: How did your family react when they discovered you had an eating disorder?
Schaefer: I remember my mom calling me after she found out I was struggling and getting help. Knowing that my mom went to a library and was trying to learn more showed me that she really cared. Both of my brothers never realized that someone could be struggling with something so deadly, but appear to be so normal. They thought someone with an eating disorder was extremely emaciated like those you see on TV.

Q: One of your famous quotes is, “Never married, but happily divorced.” Can you explain this?
Schaefer: I am divorced from my eating disorder, not a person. I was actually taught by my psychotherapist in recovery to treat my eating disorder as an abusive boyfriend, or husband. Really, that’s how it felt. I felt controlled and abused by my eating disorder. Ed actually had a chair in our therapy sessions.

Q: In your interviews you never discuss your lowest or highest weight throughout your treatment. Why is that?
Schaefer: You can be any size and have an eating disorder. It’s not about food or weight, it’s not about size. That doesn’t matter. It’s really about what’s inside. It’s a huge paradox; it’s not about the food and weight, but it’s all about the food and weight. Definitely don’t talk about specific behaviors. People use numbers as bullets.

Q: Do you believe recovery is possible for all individuals?
Schaefer: It’s a constant process. Recovery is a very long process. But I do believe you can be recovered. Food is something we deal with at least three times a day. It’s not something you can just quit, give up. With an eating disorder, it’s a continuum. It’s something you have to do every day, three times a day. It’s a real struggle to find the balance with food. Food is everywhere. It’s how you celebrate holidays, and it’s how you celebrate birthdays.

Q: Then how were you able to recover?
Schaefer: That is a million dollar question. I think there are so many aspects of eating disorder recovery. For me, it was about using all the resources I had and constantly staying connected to my therapist, to my family, to my doctor, and not isolating. It was also never giving up. Every time I relapsed I had to stand back up again. My favorite quote is, “fall down 7 times, stand up 8.” It’s very, very frustrating and very, very hard. It’s a spiritual process as well. We don’t want to talk about higher power; we hate them because we think they gave us the eating disorder. It was a big disconnect.

Q: Describe this disconnect.
Schaefer: You disconnect with everybody. I had spent 10 years trying to avoid my friends. I alienated all my friends. I’d say, “I am completely self sufficient.”

Q: So how did you reconnect with God?
Schaefer: First of all, I had to just yell. I had a journal about how God hates me, and listed all the reasons. For me, I really had to meet people in my life that were spiritually fit, spiritually healthy; who had a good relationship with God. I had to look to those people as guides and mentors. It’s not what happens to us, but it’s how we respond to it. Use things that happen in a positive way. Turn it around.

Q: During your recovery process, when you would fall into a pit of relapses, how would you pull yourself out?
Schaefer: I fell into relapse often. In fact, it got worse before it ever started getting better. I had to hold onto hope that recovery is possible. Connecting with others always helped.

Q: What inspired you to finally make a change, accept help, and move forward with your life, independent of Ed?
Schaefer: Like I said above, I got help because I hit rock bottom at 22. I was depressed and hopeless. I couldn't function as a productive member of society. I often couldn't get out of bed.

Q: How did you realize that you actually wanted to recover?
Schaefer: I was frequently afraid to let Ed go. Ed was my main way of coping with life. To fully let Ed go, I had to find other ways to deal with life. I also had to be willing to let go of the things I "liked" about Ed. I liked how Ed made me feel special (i.e. being the thinnest one in the room). I had to find other ways to feel special: by just being myself.

Q: What advice would you give to others suffering with Ed?
Schaefer: I can’t emphasize enough the importance of telling someone and getting professional help. Making one phone call; that is such a key to start with. Learning how to love myself was a key. A real key.

For more information on Jenni Schaefer, or to find out more about either of her books, follow this link to access her website. For the original interview, follow this link.

Maybe the Grinch Was Depressed... ?

Merry late Christmas everyone! Better late than never, right? :) I have been so busy and wish I could have posted sooner, but again... better late than never!!

Even though this post has to do with the holidays, and Christmas is now 364 days away, I think that we are still on the heels of the holiday season. We still have to make it through that awkward week after Christmas/week before New Years- a time that is often used to reflect on the past year while pondering the new one. While we all have things to be thankful for, sometimes the holidays can be overwhelming and the thought of a new year can be daunting.

For this reason, and many others (family stress, financial stress, eating disorder/body image stress), the holidays are not an uncommon time for people to feel sad, grumpy, irritable, ... depressed! I came across an article about depression in which psychologist Cynthia Bulik uses the Grinch as an example of one who exhibits symptoms of depression. In this article (which is titled, Grinch Likely Depressed, Suffers From Lack of Love, Joy) she says, "Everybody's always down on the Grinch. But one of the things I've always asked myself is whether the Grinch himself might be feeling kind of down." She uses him as an example (and it's so cute) which helps to illustrate the different forms that depression can take. What is important to realize is that while often we associate depression with people who are sad, people that are depressed may exhibit little sadness and more irritability, general feelings of misery, and/or social withdrawal.

To read this article, and to find out more about depression, follow this link. And to read a great blog post on assessing depression written by one of my favorite therapist friends,Whitney, follow this link.

A Wake-Up Call

One of my all-time favorite movies is Clueless. Say what you want about it, but everything about it makes me laugh. My best friend gave me that movie for my birthday shortly after it came out years ago, and I probably know all of the words by heart. When I heard Sunday that Brittany Murphy, the actress who played Tai in this movie, was found unconscious and died of cardiac arrest, I could not believe it. She was only 32 years old- so tragic.

There is a lot of speculation surrounding her death- she has been plagued with rumors of drug use, as well as an eating disorder. At this point, it is all speculation, but what is clear is that the most recent pictures published of her show her looking extremely emaciated. I was not planning on blogging about her, but I have had quite a few conversations about her death in the last two days with my clients that have really been making me think. A lot of the girls and women that I work with have eating disorders, and Brittany Murphy's death has possibly serious implications for those with anorexia, and eating disorders. As I mentioned before, no one really knows what caused her death. But what statistics tell us is that anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. In fact, according to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), females between the ages of 15 and 24 who suffer from anorexia nervosa experience a death rate that is 12 times higher than the death rate of all other causes of death. Just to be clear, this statistic only applies to those suffering with anorexia-- this does not mean that the leading cause of death among females who are between 15 and 24 is anorexia.

This week as I have heard clients question and ponder what ultimately killed Brittany Murphy (investigators said it was 'natural causes' but what is natural about dying at 32?), I have been struck by something else. Regardless of which self-destructive behavior (eating disorder, drugs, etc) may have contributed to her death, I think there is an important lesson that can be learned from this whole situation. It appears that Brittany's friends and fellow actors were not as shocked to hear about her death as the rest of us- apparently, she had been exhibiting erratic behavior as of late, and they were all very concerned about her shrinking frame. I think her death is a wake-up call. No matter what ultimately caused her death, her tragic exit from this world demonstrates that we are fragile. So many people with eating disorders think that they are immune from the dire health consequences that result from eating disorders, especially death; likewise, often those with drug dependencies and addictions often think that nothing bad will happen to them as a result of their drug use, including death. But death can happen and it does happen. And it is so important to take mental illness and self-destructive behaviors seriously! If you know someone who is practicing self-destructive habits, or is engaging in harmful behaviors, or you yourself are engaging in these behaviors, please seek help. This is such a serious issue. Hopefully Brittany Murphy's death will not be in vain- and will serve as a warning for others who are walking this fine line of danger.

If you or someone that you know is interested in finding out about receiving help to deal with an eating disorder, follow this link. To find out more about receiving help for a drug related issue, click here.

Brothers

I have been wanting to see the movie Brothers, so I finally went and saw it the other night! It's a powerful movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman and Tobey Maguire that examines the effects (mostly psychological) of war on one's family and its impact on familial relationships. Because this is not Rotten Tomatoes, the movie review website :), I will refrain from giving you a play by play on the movie - but if you are interested, follow this link to read some reviews. The reason I bring up this movie is not because I just want to talk about the movie... Rather, I had an interesting observation as I watched it that got me thinking more about the way that men and women are portrayed in the media, specifically as it relates to body image.

In this movie, Toby Maguire plays a Marine who is held as a prisoner of war. He is tortured and starved. For the role, he had to lose a considerable amount of weight. I noticed that he looked significantly underweight throughout the movie, and my friend who I was with noticed this too. Well, when I got home, I wanted to read some reviews about the movie because 1) i'm kind of a nerd, but 2) it had a pretty powerful message and I was curious how other people had interpreted its meaning. In the process, I came across some interviews done by Maguire where he discussed how he was required to lose a substantial amount of weight for the role. He mentioned that he only had a couple of weeks to drop the weight, and while he did consult a nutritionist one time before he began his weight loss, he admitted that he used very unhealthy means to reach his goal.

I guess what struck me about this is the fact that a majority of Hollywood actresses are significantly underweight all the time, and for the most part, the media views this as 'normal.' While magazines may write stories about which actress used which diet to lose weight fast, you typically hear stories about women being praised for losing drastic amounts of weight, even if it is unhealthy. I think what this illustration demonstrates is that when a woman is underweight, it is not really newsworthy because it is sort of an expectation as the ideal standard of beauty, whereas when a man loses too much weight, it is recognized as unhealthy-- it is assumed that he will return to his normal, healthy weight once the filming for his movie has reached completion. Why is it that we can recognize unhealthy weight and disordered behaviors in men and fail to do so with women? Being silent communicates acceptance, so when an actress is too thin, is cast in movies and people rave about her beauty, it sends a message that she is beautiful and okay. This message is a dangerous one.

I guess the culmination of my thoughts on Tobey Maguire amounted to more confirmation of my desire to increase awareness of the ways in which the media can be confusing and tricky with their double standards and messages. I think it is important to be aware of these mixed messages so as to avoid buying into the values and deceptions in them. I have mentioned the organization About-Face before in another post (click here to read it). It's main goal is to promote health by helping women to resist damaging messages from the media about their bodies and self-esteem. I recommend checking it out! To access their website, follow this link. In the mean time, be discerning as you interact with culture and media, and do not be afraid to be critical about what you see and observe...

GoodSearch: Raise Money for Eating Disorder Non-Profits With a Click of Your Mouse

An acquaintance of mine who works at a non-profit organization recently pointed out something amazing to me- GoodSearch. It is a search engine powered by Yahoo that can be used to search for anything online. What makes this search engine unique is that you can select a non-profit organization of your choice each time that you perform a search and money is donated to that non-profit! Each time you perform a search! Pretty incredible! The only minor catch is that GoodSearch has a pre-approved list of non-profits (86,389 to be exact) from which you can choose, which means your particular cause may not be listed; however, if you have a non-profit that you wish to add, you can submit it for approval. It might sound a little too easy... perform a search online, raise money! But it's not! :) A portion of the money that is generated from advertising is sent to the non-profit that you have selected. GoodSearch's mission is to help people support their favorite causes, charities and/or non-profits by doing a simple, everyday task.

If you would like to raise money to fund eating disorder research, or to support eating disorder/body image non-profit organizations, here are some of the non-profits already approved:

• National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders (ANAD)
• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
• National Association for Males with Eating Disorders (NAMED)
• The Body Positive
• The Joy Project (MN)

To read more about this site, click HERE. And to use the search engine, follow THIS LINK.

Kids, Mental Health and Hope

I like to think that I am a 'glass half full' kind of person. Generally, I try to see the good in people and situations, and am hopeful about change- if I weren't, I'm not so sure that counseling would be the best field for me! All that to say... I noticed the other day that while I was reading an article about young people and mental health, I found myself taking a 'glass half empty' mentality. Why??

Well, according to a survey funded by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) which will soon be published in the journal Pediatrics, 13 percent of all children and young teens have at least one 'mental health disorder.' And of that 13 percent, only half have been evaluated and treated by a mental health professional. These facts indicate that while one half of young people are being treated, one half are not. This is a staggering number when considering that half of all youth with mental illness are receiving no treatment or help at all.

This survey sampled 3, 042 children between the ages of 8 and 15, and the findings were based on assessments of these children for six common mental disorders--anxiety disorder, panic disorder, eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), depression, ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and conduct disorder. For a bit of perspective, imagine if half of young people who deal with diabetes or asthma were living without medical treatment. To think about the number of children and teens who are suffering from untreated mental health issues is alarming. And sad! Research indicates that when mental health issues are not treated, they typically persist and become more severe with age. (I wrote a blog awhile back on teens and depression that addressed this issue- follow this link to read it and to learn some of the symptoms of childhood/teenage depression.) This is concerning because young children and teens who suffer from eating disorders, for example, and are not being treated are at serious risk for many physical and psychological problems. This is a serious issue!

The article suggested that part of this problem is due to the fact that there is a shortage of mental health workers that specialize in treating children, specifically psychiatrists. So what is a parent to do?? Perhaps we need to focus on educating more parents and teachers about the symptoms of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, ADHD, etc.. in children and teens so that they are able to notice the warning signs and advocate for their treatment. While mental health professionals have the tools and knowledge to diagnose and treat, parents and teachers are able to notice patterns of behavior in children over time that a professional is not necessarily capable of seeing when sitting with them for 30 minutes. To read this article in its entirety, follow this link, as well as this one for more info!

You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

Join the Ralph Lauren Boycott~

One of the blogs that I follow is called Constance's Blog. Constance Rhodes is the founder of Finding Balance, which is a faith based non-profit that exists to create awareness about 'eating disorders not otherwise specified' (EDNOS, as it is often referred to) and disordered eating. For more information on her organization and website, follow this link and this link!

What I particularly enjoy about her blog is that various writers take turns blogging, and each have different backgrounds, struggles and perspectives, so the posts are always interesting as well as challenging. Today, Constance wrote about a time-sensitive boycott that is currently going on and I wanted to share her post with you so that you can participate in it if you would like.

You may or may not remember the recent hoopla in the media surrounding the model who was ridiculously photoshopped in a Ralph Lauren advertisement- the length of her head from ear to ear was wider than her waist!! Like most of you, I have seen the image and there are NO words to describe how awful it is! Darryl Roberts, who made a documentary called America the Beautiful (I've been meaning to post about him and his documentary!), has called for a boycott of Ralph Lauren. Why did he launch a boycott? This is what Constance blogged about today and I would encourage you to read it! You can read it by following this link. I have also copied and pasted it below for your convenience!

Hi friends. I know it’s been a long time since I posted and I have soooo much to tell you, but right now I want to ask you a personal favor.

If you care about the millions of women who are struggling with their body image, and if you believe that media images are a contributing factor to this problem, please go NOW to the ATB Boycott Ralph Lauren page on Facebook and add your name to the list.

If they can get 10,000 names by THIS FRIDAY, Dec 11, they can start a media blitz like we’ve never seen before.

The image below is what got it all started. Shocking, right? I mean, beyond just “skinny imaging.” It’s absurd. Normally we abstain from featuring potentially triggering imaging, but we can’t just bury our heads in the sand and ignore the absurdity of what we’re being told we must embrace as “fashion.”

It’s got to stop. And the guy who started the boycott (Darryl Roberts of “America The Beautiful” fame) is THE guy who can make it happen. But not without all of us.

You can make a difference by adding your name to the boycott.

Don’t plan to do it later. Do it now. And help start a revolution that has been a long time coming.

PS. AFTER you sign up, click to read the Huffington Post article about how Ralph bumped ATB off CNN to talk about the story. With 10,000 signatures we’ll get our shot yet!

The Body Image Project

Body image has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel like no matter where I go, who I talk to, what I'm watching on TV or reading, it seems that I have been encountering a barrage of fat talk and concern over weight and bodies. Yes, I may be more aware and sensitive to such topics than the average person, as I do therapy with many women who have eating disorders. But my observations about body image lately are those that go well beyond my work. I have felt the intensity of the media's powerful communication of messages through images (and otherwise) and have really been at a loss. It seems that our culture is so saturated with the value of beauty = skinnyness, and it is difficult to avoid unless you hunker down and go live in a cave! How did we get here? That question has been occupying a lot of space in my thoughts recently.

Let me be the first to say that we ALL struggle with body image- no one is immune from waking up, putting on a pair of jeans and sometimes just not feeling great! It happens to all of us. But when our feelings about our bodies, and our looks, determine how we truly feel about ourselves and our worth, or they influence our moods and the course of our days, this is troubling territory that we enter into. Body image and weight are idols in our culture and in order not to be ruled by these idols, we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12!).

In my flurry of thoughts lately about body image, I have gotten stuck wondering why things are the way they are. That is probably a topic for another post :), but I decided that maybe a more productive question to ask is where we go from here. Certainly determining a course of action requires considering the previous path, but I wanted to shift the focus towards action. I have struggled and tried to brainstorm ways to begin to change the current tide- all well beyond my capabilities at this point. Sometimes the degree and depth of change that needs to happen feels so overwhelming, especially when approaching this issue from a big picture perspective! What I realized when I stepped back a little bit is that small changes can facilitate larger changes, and starting out small is important! I came across a great website this week: The Body Image Project. The goal of this organization is to "reframe body image and enable everyone, everywhere, to discover and celebrate the real you." It may sound a little cheesy.. But the momentum behind this movement speaks to the very nature of the issues I have raised. Small changes often help to facilitate larger changes, and reaching one person at a time is often how collective change ultimately happens. If we can each focus on working towards discovering and celebrating ourselves, as opposed to comparing ourselves to others, then perhaps this is a good place to start.

The Body Image Project can be accessed online by following this link. I would encourage you to take a look at some of the videos that they feature (access them here). Men and women have courageously shared their own body image tales to inspire and encourage you on your own journey to embracing you. The videos are definitely worth watching, and they add new ones each month. Below is a video that The Body Image Project has created that I encourage you all to watch as well- you can click on the Look at You//The Body Image Project to watch. Change begins with one person inspiring another, and that person inspiring another. If anything, maybe these videos or stories will inspire you to begin loving yourself or will inspire you to share this site with someone else who may benefit.



Look at you // The Body Image Project from Body Image Project on Vimeo.

EXTREMES!

One thing that I tend to mention a LOT on this blog is the impact that the media has on our perception of beauty, as well as body image. The media communicates powerful messages about beauty and it is important for us to be able to discuss and challenge these messages as we see them. I just read a great post that Lee Wolfe Blum made on her blog (You, Me and ED) and I wanted to share it- I think that she has some great things to say about the media's messages. I have posted the content of her blog below- I hope you enjoy it. You can also access her post (and blog) by clicking here.

EXTREMES!

Last night after a 12 hour day working with eating disorder patients I was anxious to chill on the couch and watch some brainless TV. The only options were:

1. The biggest Loser

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion show

Really? Is this what our society has come to? On one show you watch people working as hard as possible to lose weight. The other show looked like a runway of anorexics. We live in a society of extremes don’t we?

Bad or Good.

Fat or Skinny.

And these extremes are pounded in our heads through the media.

So I ask you to consider as I do…what is the truth? The TRUTH is that God made bodies of all different shapes and sizes.Yep he did. We are not a one-size-works for all! And did you know that only 1% of the population has the genetic make-up to look like those Victoria’s Secret models! The rest of em…my guess is they are starving themselves. I had to laugh at one model's quote that came out today, One Angel, Selita Ebanks told the New York Daily News, "It's all about creating the illusion of this amazing body on the runway. People don't realize that there are about 20 layers of makeup on my butt alone."

And how about Heidi Klum who just had her 4th baby? She is not normal. Do you hear me. Not normal. Watching her walk down that runway and having people gush, "oh and she just had her 4th baby!" How about the millions of women who just gave birth who think they can look like her..then they become entrapped in Pregorexia! (Pregorexia is A condition where a pregnant mother is obsessed with being thin)

So what do we do with this land of extremes? How do we navigate it all? I encourage you to work towards body acceptance. Look at your body and when you aren’t living in extremes (over-eating or under-eating) what is your body shape, body size when you eat in moderation, exercise in moderation, and still enjoy life? Your body will find its homeostasis. And by not living in extremes your metabolism will level out. The yo-yo dieting, the overeating, the extremes will mess it all up. The key really is BALANCE and MODERATION!!

So I turned those shows off, grabbed my book and curled up in my bed. I don’t need the media putting images in my mind. I just want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to feel good about who I am. I want to walk down the street and scream out “I AM OK WITH ME DESPITE WHAT THE WORD TELLS ME TO BE!” . . Not the person Victoria’s Secret tells me to be. BUT ME. With my imperfections, stretch marks, and flaws. Me at the weight I was meant to be at! That makes me REAL!

So – join with me in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. don’t buy those magazines that fill your head with unrealistic images, watch shows that give you unrealistic ideas, or play around with your diet because of the latest trend! If you are still struggling with eating issues...please get help! Take care of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends and family. Those are the things in life that matter!!

Happy Living!

Lee

Popsicles and PreSchoolers

The other day, I witnessed a pretty funny thing. I was at the gym, and I noticed two girls who looked to be about 6 years old. They were fully dressed in cute, girlie school clothes, walking on treadmills. Oh- and they were eating popsicles. Seeing this made me laugh at first- but then my rational side kicked in and I wondered how in the world they got there and I wanted to know where in the world their parents were! I watched them as they walked side by side, and panicked when they began walking on the same treadmill together; they migrated from machine to machine and even attempted to lift weights! To conclude their workout, they took some medicine balls and began trying to do crunches- but stopped and began trying to jump over them as though they were playing leap frog (all while each eating a popsicle). At first I just thought that they were cute, but the longer I watched them I started feeling a little weird about it. It was clear that they were intent on exercising, even though they were spending two minutes on one machine, then hopping onto another, then another. I guess it was their determination that seemed funny- they must have gotten some kind of message about exercise that led them to want to participate. Whether messages from family, culture or the media (or a combination of all three!), it is likely that multiple sources influenced (and continue to influence) these girls. In many ways, an act like theirs is child-like and innocent- similar to a little girl mimicking her mother by playing dress-up or putting on makeup. But in light of something that I read a day or so after encountering these popsicle-eating girls working out, I have started to wonder just how innocent the whole thing really was.

According to a recent study, nearly half of all 3 to 6 year olds worry about being fat (!!!). A study done at the University of Central Florida revealed that 31 percent of the girls surveyed almost always worry about being fat, while 18 percent sometimes worry about being fat. What we know about body image and young girls is that when young girls have poor body image and worry about their weight, they are much more likely to suffer from an eating disorder. The researchers in this study believe that TV is one of the strongest influences on a young girl's body image, as the media portrays a standard of beauty which often breeds conformity to this standard. I also think that another very strong influence is a girl's mother. If a young girl sees her mother obsessing over food, her weight or exercise, she will certainly pick up on this and will likely follow suit. Or, if a mother has poor body image, a daughter might adopt some of the same ways of viewing her own body. This is not to say that when a girl develops an eating disorder or has poor body image that her mother is to blame; however, it is important to recognize the impact that your own body image can have on your daughter's. Children are smart- never underestimate the power of modeling healthy choices and healthy self-esteem!

So what to do??? Here are a few ideas: Discuss perceptions of beauty- what is realistic and healthy, and what is not. Initiate discussions about the way that the media alters images via photoshop and other methods while you are watching TV or viewing other media together. Affirm qualities and skills that you see in your daughter/friend/sister, rather than focusing on appearance. A great resource that I have mentioned before is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. Follow this link to read more about what Dove is doing to help build self-esteem and positive body image in young girls. To view their website and to access tools and online workshops, follow this link.

The Truth About Dieting..

I have noticed over the last few days that there have been a LOT of advertisements on the radio that have mentioned the so-called 'consequences' of holiday eating and the word diet has been uttered many times in this context. One of the ads that I heard yesterday went something like this: "My pants aren't fitting me.. they are too tight and I can't get them on.. must be all that extra turkey and stuffing I ate. I really need to go on a diet and lose this weight fast. At least jeans are on sale at (-----) for 15$ so I can buy some new jeans until I lose all of this weight." I left out the name of the store not because I have a problem with jeans being 15$, but because the point is not about jeans- it is about how I have been hearing a lot about dieting lately!

Continuing to hear about diets and dieting over the last few days led me to want to post some information about dieting that you may or may not know. This post may be a little long, so bear with me- I think this info will be beneficial. Let me be clear though. I am not saying it is wrong or bad to want to be healthy or to want to feel good about yourself. What I am saying is that there are healthy and appropriate ways to pursue this goal, and drastic measures, unhealthy behaviors, and diets, are not included. Typically, diets promise quick weight loss with no regards to how much weight you actually want to lose, and the end result is that you turn out looking amazing. Diets are deceptions, because they are not capable of such guarantees. Here are some diet myths that help to point out the deception (thanks to Remuda Ranch for providing some of the information below):

Myth #1= You will lose weight. This is why most people pursue a diet in the first place, right? It may surprise you, but research shows that in the long run, 98% of dieters actually end up gaining weight. Why? Because the real issues behind food consumption and understanding metabolism are rarely addressed with a diet. And when unhealthy means are used, the weight loss is usually not maintainable.

Myth #2=You will look amazing as a result of your diet. If your goal is to look like someone else, or to look like some of the images that we regularly see on TV, in magazines, etc.. then you are chasing a goal that is not attainable. These images are altered by computers (check out this video for an example- yikes!). What is more is that a diet will not change your facial features, it will not make you taller, it will not make your legs longer, and it will not make your boobs bigger. Sorry:).

Myth #3=Diets are not dangerous. Whenever you restrict or cut out entire food groups (sugar, carbs, fat, dairy, etc..), this is dangerous-- especially for young people. Our bodies require a variety of foods in order to fuel our organs and keep us functioning effectively. Not to mention that studies show that dieting is an indicator of future eating disorders. A girl who diets before she is 14 is eight times more likely to develop an eating disorder. There are many health risks associated with dieting as well, such as weakened bones, dehydration and decreased heart rate.

Myth #4=Certain foods are bad. Often times, when we diet or approach food with a diet mentality, we label food as 'good' or 'bad.' We may even determine what food we consider to be good or bad based upon which particular diet we are on. The fact of the matter is that all foods are created equal and all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle. There are no bad foods, only bad diets.

Myth #5= Diets give you control. Having a defined set of rules, especially when it comes to food, may convince you that you will be in control of what you put in your mouth. However, what often happens when you eat the same foods, or follow similar rituals each day with food, you begin to crave foods you have labelled 'bad' or 'outlawed.' This can lead to overeating and binges, which ultimately take you to a place you were trying to avoid to begin with. Also, diets usually make you cranky, they tend to decrease your energy, and they leave you feeling tired and pretty irritable. When you get to this point, the diet is controlling you, and you have little control.

Myth #6= Diets are safe and healthy. Maybe a little repetitive (myth #3), but if you chronically diet, you risk potentially altering the natural weight of your body. Over time, if your body weight fluctuates from higher to lower, and lower to higher, your body generally settles at a higher weight than it would have needed to be if it was not altered in the first place. Our bodies become confused, because they do not know if they will get what they need nutritionally, or if they will not receive any food at all. Our metabolisms slow down because our bodies think we are starving. The irony in this is that the exact opposite of what is intended is likely to end up happening.

Myth #7= You need to follow a diet. Here are some healthy guidelines to follow (compliments of Remuda Ranch) that are not diet-centric. Eat a variety of foods in moderation. Having variety allows for you to meet your nutritional needs; we cannot get all we need from one single food, or from a small number of foods alone. Listen to your body, and your stomach. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full. You don't need to eat food just because it is in front of you. Find out if you are eating because you are physically hungry or emotionally hungry (more on this to come..).

To conclude, Karen R. Koenig wrote a book called The Rules of Normal Eating. It is an extremely helpful book for anyone who has struggled with chronic dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between. I wrote a post on her book awhile back and provided some suggestions that she outlines in her book as they relate to 'normal eating.'. Follow this link for more information.

Turkey Day Anxiety: Part 2

Thanksgiving is tomorrow- and it seems like most people are either running around, making last minute preparations to host family and friends, or making sure that all the essential ingredients are present in their kitchens for cooking, or are packing/en route to be with family and friends. As I mentioned in my previous post (scroll down, or click here to read it), this time of the year is often accompanied by a significant amount of stress. Whether the holidays are stressful due to family tension, financial strain, or other difficult circumstances, one thing is certain- Thanksgiving has become a food holiday, meaning that food has become the main event.

What do we know about stress and eating? Well, for some people, stress during the holidays can lead to emotional eating, overeating, and/or binge eating, while for others who have struggled with restrictive eating, this tension may manifest in restrictive behavior with regards to the amount of food eaten or a preoccupation with what is being consumed. In addition, the heightened awareness that the media and our culture have placed upon food, weight, and our bodies has strongly impacted our beliefs about food. Therefore, a holiday that is centered around food can be triggering for anyone, but especially for those who are currently struggling with an eating disorder or eating issue, as it is not uncommon (unfortunately) for people to observe and make comments about who is eating how much, and how much weight so-and-so gained/lost since last year. If you are reading this, I would challenge you try to make it through this Thanksgiving without making any comments about what other people are eating, or how much they are eating, or any other comments along these lines. While this may seem like a minor adjustment to make, it would probably surprise you to find what an impact such a small change can make on others around you. If you are someone who struggles with an eating disorder, have struggled with one in the past, or struggle with body image issues, OR you will be spending this Thanksgiving with someone you love who you know or suspect struggles in any way with food, here are a few helpful tips, courtesy of NEDA, that may serve to alleviate the stress of such a time.

1. Worry more about the size of your heart than the size of your (fill-in-the-blank-body part). Think about how you can serve someone or do something nice for someone else- and do it. It helps to focus on others, and it helps to consider what you are thankful for.

2. Have conversations with your loved ones about things that matter to you all--dreams, goals, faith, relationships, concerns, fears, challenges, etc-- rather than focusing your energy and thoughts on food or body concerns.

3. Designate someone to be your 'support' person who you can call if you are struggling, or who you can talk with to encourage you to get through the tough moments.

4. Make goals for the day, and try to follow through with them. If you make goals with food, make sure you also make other non-food goals as well.

For more tips, follow this link for NEDA's complete list.

Here are some suggestions for families from Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto, authors of The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders:

Try making your family’s holiday traditions more about relationships and activities than about food.

· Don’t skip meals or plan to undereat or diet the day following a family holiday.

· Talk to other family members in advance about not pushing food or commenting on diets, calories, or weight loss. Even too much emphasis on trying to make healthy choices at holiday meals can add to the stress.

· It is particularly important if your child is recovering from a serious eating disorder to have pre-warned family members about the kind of talk and attention that is appropriate. I suggest that parents develop a kind of code or signal that tells family members or other guests, “change the subject, and fast!”

· Because meal schedules may be altered and more snack foods and desserts are served during the holidays, it’s important that parents of an eating-disordered child be extra-solicitous and vigilant. If circumstances conspire to create a level of stress that interferes with your child’s recovery, you and your child should sit down and prioritize the extras in your lives. Remember that the first item on your list of important things to accomplish – even during the holidays -- should be your child’s recovery.

I think the most important thing to remember in all of this is the real meaning of Thanksgiving! No matter what we are going through, we always have things we can be thankful for. This doesn't minimize the tough things that some of us are going through or dealing with, but practicing gratitude does wonders for your outlook. Maybe you can make a list of all the things you are thankful for, or maybe you can make a point to discuss with your friends and family what you have been thankful for as you reflect on the past year. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!! I am so thankful for those of you who have been reading my blog, and for those of you who have encouraged and inspired me.