Busting an Eating Disorder Myth..

We've all heard the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." When it comes to weight and eating disorders, I don't know if we have really operated this way. What I mean by this is represented in a commonly held myth about eating disorders-- which is that you can usually tell when someone has an eating disorder because of their size. Yes, when someone is very underweight, that is typically an obvious indicator that someone is anorexic. However, someone who struggles with either bulimia or an eating disorder not otherwise specified (also known as EDNOS- the third and only other current eating disorder (aside from anorexia and bulimia) recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is typically of average weight or overweight. In fact, you might be surprised to learn that you can't tell by looking at someone if they struggle with bulimia or not.

A recent article published on Newsweek.com addressed this myth. The article, entitled Finding A Healthy Medium: Eating Disorders Don't Discriminate Based on Size, by Kate Dailey, is one worth reading. It is so important to be aware of the facts and to know that eating disorders affect people of all shapes and sizes. This article also addresses BED (binge eating disorder). Follow this link to read the article.

Someday Melissa

There has been quite a bit of media coverage over the last two or three days on the story of Melissa Avrin, a 19 year old girl who lost her battle with bulimia last year. (The cause? A heart attack.) Her mother, Judy, was on the Today show last week and there have been a few articles published recently, all aimed at raising awareness about eating disorders, but also honoring and remembering Melissa's life. Judy has become an advocate and will be lobbying tomorrow April 26, and April 27 in Washington DC to support the FREED Act (Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders Act). To find out more about the advocacy work that you can take part in, follow this link which will take you to the Eating Disorders Coalition site.

But back to Melissa's story- I would really, really encourage you to check out this article, which was published in the New York Times on April 21st. Judy has been raising awareness and speaking out about losing her daughter to an eating disorder over the course of this past year and she is also finishing up a documentary on her life (called Someday Melissa), which she is hoping to have completed by June. Sharing Melissa's story may help to dispel myths about bulimia, as well as connect a face and a story with an illness that is so commonly misunderstood. Melissa was young- 19 years old- and did not survive her battle with bulimia. Her eating disorder took her life, and it is a really heartbreaking story. What is so tragic is that she represents so many who struggle; while many do overcome this battle, there are still some who are like Melissa and are losing their fight. The more that we all can do to raise awareness, provide education, and advocate for more accessible treatment is a step towards saving lives.

To view a trailer of Judy's documentary on Melissa's life, follow this link. It is definitely worth checking out. It is a short, five minute video that is really powerful. Judy found Melissa's journal after she passed away, and after reading through it, was inspired to make a movie that would change peoples lives- as that was one of Melissa's goals that she had journaled about wanting to accomplish someday. Judy is using her grief to advocate, raise awareness and instill hope in the lives of others who are struggling with an eating disorder. If you or someone that you know is struggling with an eating disorder, I hope that Melissa's story may inspire you towards health. You are not alone, and it is possible to beat this disorder with the right treatment! To read different stories of hope and freedom from eating disorders, courtesy of the National Association of Eating Disorders (NEDA), follow this link.

Teenage Girls and Body Image: A Lesson For All of Us

According to a new study published in the March issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior (2010), teenage girls tend to compare their bodies more to their peers (who appear to be more similar to themselves) than they do to celebrities in the media (who appear to be in a 'different league'). An article published recently by Nancy Tracy on this very subject points to the Social Comparison Theory, a psychological theory which holds that more often than not people tend to compare themselves more to people who are similar to themselves than to those who seem to be inferior or superior. So- for example, rather than comparing your cooking skills to someone who is featured on the Food Network, maybe you compare your cooking skills to those of your neighbor, sister, friend, cousin, etc. And the analogy follows with anything- your looks, your athletic ability, your body, etc. Anyways, what they found was that in schools where the average BMI (body mass index) was higher, girls felt less pressure to diet and be thin, whereas in schools where the average BMI was lower, girls felt increased pressure to be thinner.


I think that the results of this study are powerful in that they affirm what we might already know and experience about what happens when we make comparisons about ourselves to others- which is that often, we feel that we need to be something other than what we are. We feel like we don't measure up to those around us, or that we are just not as good as so-and-so. Teenage girls might compare themselves to their peers more than they do to celebrities, but who knows what the statistics look like for adults (who probably compare themselves equally to their peers and celebrities). I think the media still shapes and influences our standards of beauty in a way that we may never fully comprehend, but I think the act of comparing ourselves to others is an important thing to step back and evaluate.


Someone very wise once told me that "comparison is the thief of all joy" and that has stuck with me ever since-- it is so true! That phrase often comes to mind because we are conditioned to look around us to see where we fit in the pecking order, and usually the act of comparing ourselves to others leads to feelings of inferiority, insecurity, anxiety, frustration, discontentment, and so on. Whenever we compare ourselves to others, we don't usually feel better about ourselves- we feel worse! And on the rare occasion that we do feel better, the sense of confidence we gain from that is false and empty. One quote (by Max Ehrmann) that I love which speaks to this: “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” We all at times are so busy worrying about how we measure up that we lose out on being ourselves, and we aren't able to enjoy who God made us to be. Another one of my favorite quotes is by Judy Garland- she said, "Be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." I think she had it right! We are the only ones who can be the best at being us- so let's focus on that!! We all have strengths, talents and interests that make us unique and when we aren't able to see those for what they are, we miss out! The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop and consider your God-given strengths, abilities and beauty. The idea is not to become vain or to become self-absorbed; however, it is important that we strive to see ourselves for who we are, rather than viewing ourselves through a filter that is designed to categorize and classify our worth based on another.






*On a side note, one other thing worth pointing out from Tracy's article is the following: "Perhaps one exception to the rule of teenage girls comparing themselves to their peers is teenage girls with low self-esteem, a subgroup that often develops eating disorders. These teenage girls tend to compare themselves upward instead of to their peers, a possible subconscious attempt to preserve their negative self-image by comparing themselves to a less attainable ideal." Just an interesting sub-point that I will come back to in another post that highlights the perfectionistic nature that tends to pervade those who suffer from eating disorders. And just for the record, how many teenagers out there don't suffer from negative self-image? That is a post for another day... To read Tracy's article in full, follow this link.

Did You Know???

I thought it might be fun/informative to share some random body image facts, and I came across a site that listed a bunch. I am pulling all of these from Northwestern Health Sciences University's website under a section called U Healthy, so I can't take credit for putting this list together- but it is worth repeating, as these facts demonstrate the role that size, weight, and body image have upon individuals in our society.

Did You Know...

• There are 3 billion women who don’t look like super-models and only 18 who do.
• Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
• 7% of 12th grade males have used steroids in order to become more muscular.
• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
• Male action figures (GI Joe, etc.) have greatly increased in muscular size since 1973; If GI Joe were human, he would have larger biceps than any bodybuilder in history.
• One out of 4 college aged women has an eating disorder.
• In one U.S. National survey, women feared being fat more than dying.
• A survey of formally overweight people revealed they would rather be blind or lose a limb than be overweight again.
• Americans spend more than 40 billion dollars a year on dieting and diet-related products. That’s roughly equivalent to the amount the U.S. Federal Government spends on education each year.
• 46% of 9-11 year olds are sometimes or very often on diets.
• 50% of 10th grade and 12th grade boys want a more muscular upper body.
• Underweight males have body images just as negative as overweight women’s body images.
• 42% of 1st-3rd graders want to be thinner.
• Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of women.
• 25% of American men and 45% of American women are on a diet on any given day.

These statistics are a bit overwhelming! Today I was having a conversation with some women that attend a class that I teach and we were discussing the impact that we can have on others simply based on the ways that we view and accept ourselves. One of the women mentioned that she observed a 3 year old complaining about her stomach being fat after witnessing her mother talking negatively about her own stomach. If we are able to accept ourselves and model this to those around us, we can have such a positive impact on others! In going with this theme, I saw a video on You Tube that I thought I'd share. It was produced by NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) and may inspire you to help others, especially young girls that you know, to see their unique beauty and to embrace beauty in all sizes, shapes and forms. Enjoy!

Mixed Messages and Making Moves..

This morning, I read a really thought provoking blog entry on True/Slant (which is a blogazine--kind of like a magazine, but a blog... umm, i might have made up that word!!). The author, Katie Drummond, was discussing Katherine McPhee's recent bikini cover on Shape magazine. McPhee, who gained fame after appearing on American Idol, has publicly discussed her past struggles with bulimia, and her experience of being admitted to treatment for three months prior to going on the show in order to focus on getting healthy. Ms. Drummond takes aim at Shape Magazine for putting a recovered eating disorder patient clad in a bikini (and airbrushed!) on its cover, as well as at McPhee for posing in a bikini and perpetuating unrealistic images of beauty after struggling herself with feeling pressure as a result of viewing similar unrealistic images in the media. Ms. Drummond's article is entitled A Lesson in Health Hypocrisy and she explores the hypocrisy that exists in this scenario. Her blog entry is a little angsty, but I appreciate the passion with which she writes because I think that by posing in a bikini for a magazine which happens to advertise 'drop a pound by Friday' on its cover, McPhee- and Shape- are sending some pretty mixed messages.

I wonder if McPhee, or Shape, or the media in general realize the impact that they are having on women by sending such mixed messages. I am not pointing the finger at McPhee (well, maybe I am a little), but she says in the article that doing six different 'moves' changed her body. This sets an alarm off to me. It's not that exercising is wrong, or trying to be healthy or fit is wrong, but it concerns me that her happiness and acceptance of her body are a result of the changes she has made to her body. It just sends the wrong message to women about where our happiness comes from. Again, the point is not to bash McPhee. I just think it is important to raise awareness and discuss some of these things that we become numb to, because whether we know it or not, these images impact us! While there is not one single cause of eating disorders, and while seeing unrealistic images of women's bodies do not cause eating disorders, these images can be a precipitating factor, when combined with a genetic predisposition and certain environmental factors.

A month from now, NEDA (the National Eating Disorder Association) is sponsoring National Eating Disorders Awareness Week--- February 21-27. I will be posting more information as this week draws nearer, but I wanted to mention it in light of what I read this morning on True/Slant. Rather than just venting about the media and that magazine cover, or discussing how things could or should be different, it is helpful to think forwardly and focus on what we can do to make some changes! One simple thing that I have mentioned before is using GoodSearch! This is a search engine, just like google, that donates money to nonprofits of your choice before you perform each search. You can donate to eating disorder nonprofits, as well as a bunch of other great organizations. Follow this link to find out more. The second thing that I wanted to mention is something that I read on NEDA's website the other day. Marilyn Wann, author of Fat? So!, developed an art activity for people to participate in that deals with transforming the numbers on scales to adjectives! Confused? The Boulder Youth Body Alliance (BYBA), a nonprofit that seeks to encourage teens to change the world, rather than their bodies, has encouraged teens to participate in this activity by turning scales into art. I love this idea and think it must be really empowering for women of all ages to take part in something like this! Follow this link to view pictures/examples of scales as art, and to read more about what BYBA is doing!

Love Yourself.

I just read this opinion piece on CNN.com about dieting and wanted to highlight it because it is definitely worth the read (and it fits in especially well with all my recent posts about dieting and New Year's resolutions!!). Dr. Leo Buscaglia's quote above is also one that you may want to go back and re-read a few times after you read this article as well! Anyways, the author of this piece, Dr. Divya Kakaiya, is a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985; she is also the clinical director and founder of Healthy Within, an eating disorder treatment center in San Diego. Her main premise in this article: don't diet. While she writes from the perspective that dieting mothers do not set a good precedent for their children, whether or not you are a mother does not make this article more or less relevant. I would encourage everyone to check it out. You can follow the link above, or read it below. Enjoy! :)

Welcome to 2010. What is your New Year's resolution? Are you planning on investing more money into the annual $40 billion dieting industry? If so, please think again.

As we start our work week, many of us are looking in the mirror and saying "Yuck. I feel fat, uncomfortable and need to go on a diet."

Dieting and the language of "fat" have become so normal that we don't think twice before we say, "I have to go on a diet, I have gained so much weight."

If we are parents of teenagers, we may as well be saying to them, "Change yourself, fix your body. You're not perfect and never will be." Is this how we want to empower our youth?

You spend countless hours raising your child with the values of honesty, integrity and the importance of the work ethic. But if you are dieting and complaining about how fat you are, you could be putting your teenager at risk for an eating disorder. As a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985, I worry that there could be a connection between dieting parents and teenagers who develop anorexia or bulimia.

The 6-year-old girl who is watching her mother suck in her stomach in front of the mirror is going to look at her belly poking out and immediately think that she is fat.

How awful that we just inadvertently planted the seed of lifelong discontent with her body into the innocent mind of a 6-year-old.

We have to be mindful of what we really want to emphasize as important. In this quick-fix world of Botox, plastic surgery and fad diets, our children are not being taught how to tolerate discomfort and how to work hard and patiently.

"Now" is the demand word that parents feel compelled to cater to. We could be creating a generation of self-obsessed, narcissistic children. Do we really want them to feel that the glamour of "Gossip Girl" is the goal of their lives? We must draw the line by examining our own core values.

The majority of us know that the quick fix is not going to work, yet we feel compelled to throw ourselves into the despair of broken diets, broken resolutions, broken promises and worse, a pervasive sense of shame that attacks the core of our being.

We are so inundated with messages that are constantly redefining what is healthy that in our confusion we forget what is normal eating and a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The "diet monster" gobbles up our self-esteem and makes us return to that unfaithful lover again and again, only to drop more money into that $40 billion pot. We could use that money to educate millions of brains each year, better our schools, reduce poverty and attend to our elderly.

Of course, eating healthily and staying active are very important. But of those who lose weight through dieting, 98 percent gain it back again in two years. Diet is a four-letter word that begins with "die." Isn't that ominous enough?

This year, create an intention not to diet.

When you do this, you are consciously rejecting the appearance-obsessed, materialistic culture that inundates us. An intention to honor your soul instead of your appearance -- to choose to give back in the community, volunteer, give time to the elderly -- will make you feel stronger.

Instead of spending time counting calories or going obsessively to the gym, donate those hours to a shelter for abused women. Love your body. This year, make it your intention to teach your teenager to reject the appearance-obsessed world she lives in and have her give her heart instead of changing her body.

Caution: This approach might make you start to love your body and you may waver on your New Year's resolution to lose weight!

As January unfolds, we are going to be blasted with commercials from multiple sources, with each one touting a permanent relief. The net result of these commercials is to get us to continue to hate our bodies so that these diet companies can make money off our body hatred.

There is also a political reason for women to be held to a high "thin" standard of perfection. We are then no longer a threat to anyone who wants power. "Body Wars" keep women in their place and are economically driven.

Let us assert our power by rejecting the dieting mantra, and standing our ground.

Kids, Mental Health and Hope

I like to think that I am a 'glass half full' kind of person. Generally, I try to see the good in people and situations, and am hopeful about change- if I weren't, I'm not so sure that counseling would be the best field for me! All that to say... I noticed the other day that while I was reading an article about young people and mental health, I found myself taking a 'glass half empty' mentality. Why??

Well, according to a survey funded by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) which will soon be published in the journal Pediatrics, 13 percent of all children and young teens have at least one 'mental health disorder.' And of that 13 percent, only half have been evaluated and treated by a mental health professional. These facts indicate that while one half of young people are being treated, one half are not. This is a staggering number when considering that half of all youth with mental illness are receiving no treatment or help at all.

This survey sampled 3, 042 children between the ages of 8 and 15, and the findings were based on assessments of these children for six common mental disorders--anxiety disorder, panic disorder, eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), depression, ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and conduct disorder. For a bit of perspective, imagine if half of young people who deal with diabetes or asthma were living without medical treatment. To think about the number of children and teens who are suffering from untreated mental health issues is alarming. And sad! Research indicates that when mental health issues are not treated, they typically persist and become more severe with age. (I wrote a blog awhile back on teens and depression that addressed this issue- follow this link to read it and to learn some of the symptoms of childhood/teenage depression.) This is concerning because young children and teens who suffer from eating disorders, for example, and are not being treated are at serious risk for many physical and psychological problems. This is a serious issue!

The article suggested that part of this problem is due to the fact that there is a shortage of mental health workers that specialize in treating children, specifically psychiatrists. So what is a parent to do?? Perhaps we need to focus on educating more parents and teachers about the symptoms of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, ADHD, etc.. in children and teens so that they are able to notice the warning signs and advocate for their treatment. While mental health professionals have the tools and knowledge to diagnose and treat, parents and teachers are able to notice patterns of behavior in children over time that a professional is not necessarily capable of seeing when sitting with them for 30 minutes. To read this article in its entirety, follow this link, as well as this one for more info!

You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

The Truth About Dieting..

I have noticed over the last few days that there have been a LOT of advertisements on the radio that have mentioned the so-called 'consequences' of holiday eating and the word diet has been uttered many times in this context. One of the ads that I heard yesterday went something like this: "My pants aren't fitting me.. they are too tight and I can't get them on.. must be all that extra turkey and stuffing I ate. I really need to go on a diet and lose this weight fast. At least jeans are on sale at (-----) for 15$ so I can buy some new jeans until I lose all of this weight." I left out the name of the store not because I have a problem with jeans being 15$, but because the point is not about jeans- it is about how I have been hearing a lot about dieting lately!

Continuing to hear about diets and dieting over the last few days led me to want to post some information about dieting that you may or may not know. This post may be a little long, so bear with me- I think this info will be beneficial. Let me be clear though. I am not saying it is wrong or bad to want to be healthy or to want to feel good about yourself. What I am saying is that there are healthy and appropriate ways to pursue this goal, and drastic measures, unhealthy behaviors, and diets, are not included. Typically, diets promise quick weight loss with no regards to how much weight you actually want to lose, and the end result is that you turn out looking amazing. Diets are deceptions, because they are not capable of such guarantees. Here are some diet myths that help to point out the deception (thanks to Remuda Ranch for providing some of the information below):

Myth #1= You will lose weight. This is why most people pursue a diet in the first place, right? It may surprise you, but research shows that in the long run, 98% of dieters actually end up gaining weight. Why? Because the real issues behind food consumption and understanding metabolism are rarely addressed with a diet. And when unhealthy means are used, the weight loss is usually not maintainable.

Myth #2=You will look amazing as a result of your diet. If your goal is to look like someone else, or to look like some of the images that we regularly see on TV, in magazines, etc.. then you are chasing a goal that is not attainable. These images are altered by computers (check out this video for an example- yikes!). What is more is that a diet will not change your facial features, it will not make you taller, it will not make your legs longer, and it will not make your boobs bigger. Sorry:).

Myth #3=Diets are not dangerous. Whenever you restrict or cut out entire food groups (sugar, carbs, fat, dairy, etc..), this is dangerous-- especially for young people. Our bodies require a variety of foods in order to fuel our organs and keep us functioning effectively. Not to mention that studies show that dieting is an indicator of future eating disorders. A girl who diets before she is 14 is eight times more likely to develop an eating disorder. There are many health risks associated with dieting as well, such as weakened bones, dehydration and decreased heart rate.

Myth #4=Certain foods are bad. Often times, when we diet or approach food with a diet mentality, we label food as 'good' or 'bad.' We may even determine what food we consider to be good or bad based upon which particular diet we are on. The fact of the matter is that all foods are created equal and all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle. There are no bad foods, only bad diets.

Myth #5= Diets give you control. Having a defined set of rules, especially when it comes to food, may convince you that you will be in control of what you put in your mouth. However, what often happens when you eat the same foods, or follow similar rituals each day with food, you begin to crave foods you have labelled 'bad' or 'outlawed.' This can lead to overeating and binges, which ultimately take you to a place you were trying to avoid to begin with. Also, diets usually make you cranky, they tend to decrease your energy, and they leave you feeling tired and pretty irritable. When you get to this point, the diet is controlling you, and you have little control.

Myth #6= Diets are safe and healthy. Maybe a little repetitive (myth #3), but if you chronically diet, you risk potentially altering the natural weight of your body. Over time, if your body weight fluctuates from higher to lower, and lower to higher, your body generally settles at a higher weight than it would have needed to be if it was not altered in the first place. Our bodies become confused, because they do not know if they will get what they need nutritionally, or if they will not receive any food at all. Our metabolisms slow down because our bodies think we are starving. The irony in this is that the exact opposite of what is intended is likely to end up happening.

Myth #7= You need to follow a diet. Here are some healthy guidelines to follow (compliments of Remuda Ranch) that are not diet-centric. Eat a variety of foods in moderation. Having variety allows for you to meet your nutritional needs; we cannot get all we need from one single food, or from a small number of foods alone. Listen to your body, and your stomach. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full. You don't need to eat food just because it is in front of you. Find out if you are eating because you are physically hungry or emotionally hungry (more on this to come..).

To conclude, Karen R. Koenig wrote a book called The Rules of Normal Eating. It is an extremely helpful book for anyone who has struggled with chronic dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between. I wrote a post on her book awhile back and provided some suggestions that she outlines in her book as they relate to 'normal eating.'. Follow this link for more information.

Turkey Day Anxiety: Part 2

Thanksgiving is tomorrow- and it seems like most people are either running around, making last minute preparations to host family and friends, or making sure that all the essential ingredients are present in their kitchens for cooking, or are packing/en route to be with family and friends. As I mentioned in my previous post (scroll down, or click here to read it), this time of the year is often accompanied by a significant amount of stress. Whether the holidays are stressful due to family tension, financial strain, or other difficult circumstances, one thing is certain- Thanksgiving has become a food holiday, meaning that food has become the main event.

What do we know about stress and eating? Well, for some people, stress during the holidays can lead to emotional eating, overeating, and/or binge eating, while for others who have struggled with restrictive eating, this tension may manifest in restrictive behavior with regards to the amount of food eaten or a preoccupation with what is being consumed. In addition, the heightened awareness that the media and our culture have placed upon food, weight, and our bodies has strongly impacted our beliefs about food. Therefore, a holiday that is centered around food can be triggering for anyone, but especially for those who are currently struggling with an eating disorder or eating issue, as it is not uncommon (unfortunately) for people to observe and make comments about who is eating how much, and how much weight so-and-so gained/lost since last year. If you are reading this, I would challenge you try to make it through this Thanksgiving without making any comments about what other people are eating, or how much they are eating, or any other comments along these lines. While this may seem like a minor adjustment to make, it would probably surprise you to find what an impact such a small change can make on others around you. If you are someone who struggles with an eating disorder, have struggled with one in the past, or struggle with body image issues, OR you will be spending this Thanksgiving with someone you love who you know or suspect struggles in any way with food, here are a few helpful tips, courtesy of NEDA, that may serve to alleviate the stress of such a time.

1. Worry more about the size of your heart than the size of your (fill-in-the-blank-body part). Think about how you can serve someone or do something nice for someone else- and do it. It helps to focus on others, and it helps to consider what you are thankful for.

2. Have conversations with your loved ones about things that matter to you all--dreams, goals, faith, relationships, concerns, fears, challenges, etc-- rather than focusing your energy and thoughts on food or body concerns.

3. Designate someone to be your 'support' person who you can call if you are struggling, or who you can talk with to encourage you to get through the tough moments.

4. Make goals for the day, and try to follow through with them. If you make goals with food, make sure you also make other non-food goals as well.

For more tips, follow this link for NEDA's complete list.

Here are some suggestions for families from Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto, authors of The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders:

Try making your family’s holiday traditions more about relationships and activities than about food.

· Don’t skip meals or plan to undereat or diet the day following a family holiday.

· Talk to other family members in advance about not pushing food or commenting on diets, calories, or weight loss. Even too much emphasis on trying to make healthy choices at holiday meals can add to the stress.

· It is particularly important if your child is recovering from a serious eating disorder to have pre-warned family members about the kind of talk and attention that is appropriate. I suggest that parents develop a kind of code or signal that tells family members or other guests, “change the subject, and fast!”

· Because meal schedules may be altered and more snack foods and desserts are served during the holidays, it’s important that parents of an eating-disordered child be extra-solicitous and vigilant. If circumstances conspire to create a level of stress that interferes with your child’s recovery, you and your child should sit down and prioritize the extras in your lives. Remember that the first item on your list of important things to accomplish – even during the holidays -- should be your child’s recovery.

I think the most important thing to remember in all of this is the real meaning of Thanksgiving! No matter what we are going through, we always have things we can be thankful for. This doesn't minimize the tough things that some of us are going through or dealing with, but practicing gratitude does wonders for your outlook. Maybe you can make a list of all the things you are thankful for, or maybe you can make a point to discuss with your friends and family what you have been thankful for as you reflect on the past year. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!! I am so thankful for those of you who have been reading my blog, and for those of you who have encouraged and inspired me.

Facials, Kate Moss and About-Face

One thing that I really enjoy in life is a good facial. They are surprisingly relaxing and do wonders for moisturizing your skin :). I was getting a long overdue facial yesterday afternoon, and Angela, the greatest esthetician in the tri-state area (call Mina's in Chapel Hill to get an appointment with her- I'm a big fan of Mina's and apparently Tyler Hansborough is also, who I saw getting his haircut there once..) mentioned that she had been reading my blog. We had such a great conversation about the myths/misperceptions about eating disorders, and the way that our culture and the media deal with the issue of weight and appearance. It was so refreshing to hear her express some of her thoughts, and to hear a voice speaking truth about eating disorders as mental illness- because that is what they are.

As our conversation evolved, we began discussing the comments Kate Moss made recently in an interview that she has since been getting blasted for in the media for making (we were probably mid-facial at this point- haha). For those of you who are unaware of what she said, I hate to bring it to your attention- but when asked if she has a slogan which she lives by, she answered "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Not only was this comment irresponsible, as she is a public figure whom society/the media/the fashion world has deemed beautiful, and who many women look up to and aspire to be like, she is a mother to a 7-year old girl. The implications of her comments are extremely damaging in more ways than I can count. This is a slogan which has inspired many pro-anorexia websites, and is just a very, very destructive way for anyone's thoughts or actions to be guided. Not to mention the values that such a statement reflects. She has since said that her words were taken out of context- and while I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, I am not sure how those words in any context might mean something different.

Just to be clear, the point of this blog post is not to demonize Kate Moss. I guess it just got me thinking about the media's response to her comments-- I just googled her name and 'her slogan' together, and 487 news articles have been written since she made these comments a few days ago. What I find ironic about this is that the media, who has pretty unanimously rebuked her for making these comments and have said what a horrible influence she is for essentially encouraging and endorsing eating disordered thoughts and behaviors, is also the same source who made her a household name by splashing her unattainable and sickly image everywhere. I think its a very indicting commentary on the mixed messages that the media dispels. What it seems to me that the media communicates is that the explicit message (her slogan) is not acceptable, but the implicit message (how she looks, appears, etc) is. It is a very confusing dichotomy, and one that continues to perpetuate unhealthy body image and unrealistic expectations and standards for young girls and women of all ages.

If you recognize and identify with what I am talking about in regards to the confusing ways the media projects values, I recommend that you check out a website called About-Face. This is an organization whose mission is to "equip women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful messages that affect self-esteem and body image." This site is not solely for females- if you are a male, you certainly interact with females (as friends, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc) and would benefit as well. You can access the site by clicking here. For 10 helpful tips on ways that you can work towards challenging these mixed messages and empowering yourselves and others, follow this link.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

Circles of Protection

The other night I went to an event where I heard Becky McDonald speak. Becky McDonald is the founder of Women at Risk International (WAR), a nonprofit organization that serves women at risk around the world. Her goal in creating this organization was to create circles of protection around young women who are at risk of being sold into slavery and trafficking, as well as to rescue women from these situations, empower them, and communicate the message that they were created for purpose and dignity. She has a passion for giving young girls and women a voice and has worked hard to bring healing to women in over 18 countries.

Helping women (and especially adolescent girls) to find their voice is something that I have been passionate about for a long time. It is one of the reasons that led me to become a counselor. The context in which this has played out is pretty different than that which Becky speaks of, however, I believe that her message is especially relevant for the women and girls that I work with. Her message of God's hope and healing is one that we all need to hear, regardless of our circumstances or what we have been through.

So often, young girls in adolescence begin to lose their voices as they worry more and more about fitting in. They may pretend not to like certain things, or they may pretend TO like certain things. Sometimes girls silence their voices so much that they lose their sense of self; they hardly remember what they like, what they think or what they want. Many girls that have eating disorders experience feelings of powerlessness, and with powerlessness comes a silencing of the self. Other self-harm behaviors, such as self-mutiliation or cutting, are becoming more prevalent in the lives of young teenage girls as they seek to deal with their emotions and their inability to express who they really are for fear of not being accepted.

As a quick aside, To Write Love on Her Arms is a nonprofit that is dedicated to providing hope and light to people who are struggling with depression and self-harming behaviors, which are both so common in girls with eating disorders. Apparently, November 13 is To Write Love on Her Arms Day, although my source for this is facebook :). Whether or not this is a sanctioned day of awareness is pretty insignificant to me- I think any day is a good day to raise awareness-- and because it is November 13 and the theme of this post is giving girls a voice, I wanted to make sure to mention this. To read more about this organization and what they are doing, follow this link.

Creating circles of protection around young girls in our society is SO crucial- whether it is to protect them from slavery, or from cultural messages about body image, or both. How do we create circles of protection around girls? By restoring dignity, showing them their purpose, empowering them through education and skill building, as well as working to impact change on a large scale through advocacy. For more information on Women at Risk, visit www.warinternational.org.