Hello, Summer!

Today marks the first day of summer! While summer can bring with it a litany of body concerns and urges to diet and restrict (hello, bathing suit season!), summer also welcomes longer days, opportunities to be outside and sometimes even a vacation! Being the nerd that I am, one of my favorite parts of summer as a high schooler was the summer reading list that I would receive for the following year's English class. I loved going to Barnes and Noble with my mom and picking out all of the books. I still love to read. And, as a way to usher in the summer on a high note, I thought I would make a summer reading list! I plan on reviewing some of these books, as there are a few great eating disorder related books here that I have been wanting to get around to but just haven't had the time! 


[As an aside... if you are struggling with body image and need a boost, check out this post or this one!]


Below are some of the books that I am looking forward to reading... If you have any suggestions or books that you would recommend, let me know what they are!! I love a good book :-).

Jenni Schaefer on Recovery

It's been a busy few days for me and it's time for bed, but I read a great piece today on eating disorder recovery written by Jenni Schaefer that I want to point you all to! It is a pretty challenging read for those of you who may be contemplating giving up your eating disorder, for those of you who are in recovery, and for everyone in between. Follow this link to check it out, or see below for a copy/pasted version.

Eating Disorder Recovery: Easier On The Other Side

If you are waiting for recovery to be easy, pull up a chair. You will be waiting for a long time. Ed (aka “eating disorder”) will gladly sit by your side and wait with you. To sabotage your success, Ed will even act like he supports certain aspects of your recovery.

If you like to read, Ed will say, “Just read this book about recovery, and you will be fine.” He will let you read the book, and congratulate you on doing it, but he won’t let you follow any of the guidance inside that will actually help you.

If you enjoy being around people, Ed will say, “Go to that therapy group, and get some help there.” Ed will let you go to the group, and may even let you participate, but he won’t let you talk about what you really need to talk about in order to heal.

If you like to surf the Internet, Ed will say, “Here’s a great website for you. Go ahead and join the online recovery forum.” He will let you join the online forum, and he will convince you that logging on is more important than eating.

Books, groups, and online resources can all be very helpful tools in your recovery. Just remember that recovery takes full commitment and real action. Real action is not simply opening a book, walking into a group room, or logging onto some website.

If you read a book about recovery, fully commit to the ideas in it that will make a difference in your life, not just the things that are easy to do. If you are in group therapy, talk about the issues that, deep inside, you know you need to discuss. If you are active in an online recovery community, use the positive support from online pals to hold yourself accountable to taking real action in your recovery. It’s not enough to just look at the tools—you really do have to use them.

Real action means drastic change. It also means realizing that Ed will sit by your side and try to sabotage you every step of the way. Ed will even use content from recovery books, groups, and websites to try to fuel his cause. Be aware of this and guard against it, and do what the books, groups, and websites suggest that is pro-recovery. Now that’s action.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “Half measures availed us nothing.” If you only do eating disorder recovery half way, at most, you will get a half way recovery from your eating disorder. In my experience, you won’t even get that.

During early recovery, I believed that insight would inspire change. I thought that if I just knew enough about eating disorders, and understood myself, I would get better. I learned as much as I could from all of the resources available to me, and I waited for a magical change. I waited for the urge to binge to just go away. I waited to fall in love with my body. I waited for my fear of food to simply subside. And Ed waited right along with me.

I waited. I waited, and I waited some more. I would still be waiting today if intense pain had not pushed me into taking some real action. In my personal experience, pain and discomfort have most often been the motivating factors to get me to change. (For the record, I don’t think it has to be this way. That is why I write about my experiences. I hope that other people won’t have to reach the same level of pain I did before making changes.)

In my recovery, taking action meant tackling the food directly. I stopped purging after bingeing. I also did my best to not binge, which meant tolerating uncomfortable feelings (to say the very least). I ate without restricting. My body changed accordingly, and I felt awful. I felt so bad that I told my mom many times that I would rather be dead than to live that way any longer. I hated the way my body was changing, and I hated how it made me feel inside even more. I felt like a different person entirely --- someone I didn’t know or like. I felt trapped.

When we fully commit to recovery, we are signing up for hurt. Full commitment means we no longer make decisions based on how we feel in the short run (turning to Ed for immediate gratification), but instead we make decisions based on our long-term goals of health and a full recovery. In the beginning, success can actually feel fat and miserable. So stop waiting for things to be easy and start looking for the hard part. Tackling the difficult, ironically, is when the “easy” will find you. If you push through the pain and move all the way to the other side, you won’t have to keep facing the same hurt over and over again. You will be well on your way to freedom.

Life is, in fact, much easier on the other side of the eating disorder. I am not afraid of food, I don’t get the urge to binge, and I love my body. Yes, I said “love”! Today success feels strong and joyful, no longer fat and miserable. I can’t wait for you to get to this point, too.

And you can’t afford to wait either! So, stop waiting and start changing.

Appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is a consultant with the Center For Change in Orem, Utah. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

I read a great blog entry a few days ago on parents, adolescents and body image-- topics that have been on my mind a lot lately due to the nature of my work! For parents who are trying to navigate the rough waters of a child or teenager who is struggling with an eating disorder and poor body image, it can be daunting and difficult to know how to respond. For this reason, I often recommend a great book to parents called The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders, written by Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto. I had a chance to ask Dr. Herrin a few questions which I will share with you below; she happened to also write the blog entry that I mentioned. Whether or not you are a parent, I think this information can be helpful because you likely have parents yourself, or parental figures in your life, or maybe you know young adults, children or teenagers that you work with, mentor, teach, volunteer with, etc.. While some of this info may not apply directly, some of it can be adapted to encourage healthy attitudes with food. To access the blog that Dr. Herrin writes with Nancy Matsumoto (who is doing some exciting work with athletes and eating disorders that I look forward to sharing with you soon), follow this link- the blog entry is copy and pasted below as well.

Watch Dieting and Bad-Body Talk in front of your Kids

In brand-new, not yet published research, my friend and colleague Dianne Neumark-Sztainer and colleagues at the University of Minnesota and the University of California, San Diego have found that messages from parents about weight and body image have a significant effect on adolescent body image. I have worked with a number of families in which a child, usually a daughter, is all of a sudden worried about her weight triggered by a parent who is dieting and/or talking a lot about how much she (or he--dads can have an affect here too) doesn’t like her body. I tell parents that if they are going to diet, DON”T TALK ABOUT IT!! in front of the kids. Dianne’s group also found that when parents when parents eat well, overweight teens tend to follow their example. Watch for this study: Family Weight Talk and Dieting: How Much Do They Matter for Body Dissatisfaction and Disordered Eating Behaviors in Adolescent Girls? in next issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

I think that it is important to point out that parents are not to blame for eating disorders!- however, there are ways that a parent can impact her child for the better and support the child in such a way that is effective! I had the awesome opportunity to ask Marcia Herrin, a nutritionist specializing in working with eating disorders and weight issues, a few questions, and wanted to share some of the helpful tips that she suggests for parents. Dr. Herrin is very respected in the eating disorder field- she founded the Dartmouth College Eating Disorders Prevention, Education and Treatment Program. She has a masters in public health as well as a doctorate in nutrition education. She currently runs a private practice and works with children and adults struggling with eating disorders and weight issues. For more information on Marcia, follow this link.

Me: You and Nancy have partnered together in your book The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders. This book provides a lot of very helpful information for parents who may be worried about their children's eating attitudes and behaviors. If you could share two or three helpful tips for parents raising children, what might you say to them to help them to encourage healthy attitudes about food?

Marcia: Do not comment on your child's weight. Eat together as a family as often as possible. Do not talk about dieting or weight issues (yours or anyone else's) in front of your child. Do make sure lunch and dinner meals include protein and dessert.

Me: If you are a parent who suspects that your child is struggling with food, whether an eating disorder or disordered eating, what steps might you encourage them to take to help their child?

Marcia: First call your child's doctor or your area's most respected expert for their assessment of the situation. Then talk directly (calmly and kindly) to your child about your concerns and observations. Let them know that you are worried but not mad. In our book we say if you are "open, receptive, curious, honest, tentative, and work hard at understanding your child's point of view... no matter what words you use, your chances of success will be greater."

Me: Chapter 8 in your book is wonderful. It touches on body image and the ways that our own body image affects the body image of our children (and by extension those around us). Can you share a little bit about how a parent's negative or unhealthy view of their body or food can affect a child? Do you have any advice for parents who struggle with their body image or self-esteem?

Marcia: "Keep it to yourself" is the advice I give parents about their own struggles with body image or self-esteem. One of the riskiest situations is when a child observes one parent teasing the other about their weight or eating habits. Parents, even if they struggle to believe it themselves, need to preach "it is not what you look like that matters; it is who you are as a person and what you do."

Me: You write about PAMS (Parent-Assisted Meals and Snacks) and appear to have much success with this model, which has been adapted slightly from the Maudsley method. Can you share the heart behind this method and the success that you have seen with teenagers that you have worked with?

Marcia: One strength of PAMS comes from "saving face." When parents take over responsibility for the eating disordered child's food, the child has to eat even if she doesn't want to. She doesn't have to give up her eating disorder. She can relax knowing her parents aren't going to let her starve to death. She doesn't have to agree to eat, she is made to eat. PAMS helps parents know what and how much to feed their child. Some parents can figure this out on their own, but PAMS helps parents who are stressed and overwhelmed by their child's eating disorder hit the ground running with an approach to food that works. I have been in the field of eating disorders for nearly 25 years and I have never seen any other technique turn an eating disorder around as dramatically as PAMS does.

For more information on PAMS and other related topics, check out The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders. If you are a parent who struggles with body image or food, the most important thing that you can do for your child is to work towards being healthy yourself! Whether that means seeking out a nutritionist, a therapist, or a consultation with your doctor, it is critical for you to be the very best you that you can be, for you and for your children! When Marcia says 'keep it to yourself' regarding your struggles, she means do not talk to your children about it. But it is okay and vital to talk about it with professionals, friends and family members if you are dealing with these feelings and behaviors.

Loving What is Real....

One of my all time favorite children's books is The Velveteen Rabbit. While it definitely brings back visions of tricycles and My Little Pony, this book was read to me often before bedtime and I had such an affection for this story. I remember one year for Christmas I received the newest edition of this book, along with a stuffed animal that was supposed to be the Velveteen Rabbit. It was one of my favorite gifts. As I have gotten older, and have gained a little bit of life experience since my days drinking out of a sippy cup, I still appreciate this book because I think its message transcends the playground.

The Velveteen Rabbit is more than a story about a boy and his stuffed animal; it is a parable that echoes a desire that we all have in our hearts to be loved and to be accepted as we are. At one point in the book, the Velveteen Rabbit has a discussion with the Skin Horse, another toy, about his fear that he will not be special or loved by the boy. The Velveteen Rabbit longs to be special, and believes that his experience of being accepted and loved will make him Real, which will ultimately give him validation. The following is a short excerpt of one of my favorite parts, in which the Skin Horse is talking to the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real:

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit

The reason that I love this part so much is because it extends to more than just toys. We get mixed messages today about beauty, and what is required of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved, to be beautiful. This certainly extends to our bodies, and the expectation that exists for us to be a certain size or shape in order to be perceived as beautiful. At the risk of sounding like a tired cliche, I think what makes us beautiful goes way beyond our appearance. And that is one reason why I love this book so much- it illustrates the idea that our character and experience is what makes us beautiful, and that people love us most when we are being the most authentic versions of ourselves. Our experience, our age, our resilience all make us real and make us beautiful!

As we try to navigate what is real in our culture today, we must decide how we define beauty and choose to base our standard on things that are different from what the media might tell us. One organization that is doing a great job of exploring beauty and educating young girls about self-esteem is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I have mentioned this organization more than once (follow this link, or this one to read more) because I think that the resources that they provide for young girls and women are wonderful. Whether you have body image struggles or not, whether you have an eating disorder or not, I think we can all relate to the message behind the Velveteen Rabbit of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted just as we are. I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me, and I will leave you with it.. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Recovery- Part 2... Shine Your Light

If you or someone that you know is in recovery from an eating disorder, here is an awesome opportunity... so please take note!!

The Renfrew Center Foundation is offering a FREE seminar on January 5, 2010 at 9 different locations. The seminar is entitled Home for the Holidays: Shine Your Light and topics advertised as included for the workshop are:

*eating challenges during holidays

*how to alleviate holiday stress and pressure

*taking responsibility for your own health and recovery

*survival strategies to stay focused on your recovery

*creating and sustaining relationships at home, work and school.

For a little background.. The Renfrew Center was the first freestanding facility in the US for specifically treating eating disorders, and they now have seven facilities in five different states. The Renfrew Center Foundation is a non-profit organization that serves to educate and train professionals, promote healthy body image, conduct research, advocate and educate policy makers, and provide assistance for women and girls. It receives its funding from The Renfrew Center, as well as private donors. The Renfrew Center and The Renfrew Center Foundation are committed to raising awareness about eating disorders as well as treating them; together they have had a significant impact on the lives of many young girls and women.

If this interests you, these FREE workshops are being held in Radnor, PA; Coconut Creek, FL; New York, NY; Ridgewood, NJ; Wilton, CT; Bethesda, MD; Charlotte, NC; Brentwood, TN; Dallas, TX. If you are close to one of these locations or desire to travel to one of them and are interested in attending, follow this link to register. If you are interested in attending the Florida location, click here as the registration is different.

You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

The Rules of "Normal Eating"

Karen R. Koenig's book The Rules of "Normal Eating" is a great book for anyone who has struggled with dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between, as the cover of her book (pictured to the left) attests:). There are few books that address the variety of topics that she does in her book, of which include challenging irrational beliefs about food, eating, weight and our bodies. She identifies the differences between physical and emotional hunger, and outlines intuitive eating.

The four rules of eating that she says define a 'normal eater':

1- You eat when you are hungry.

2-You choose foods that you believe will satisfy you.

3-You stay connected to your body and eat with awareness and enjoyment.

4-You stop eating when you are full or satisfied.

While this list looks like a fairly simple set of rules to follow, it is much more difficult if you struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder. Because eating issues and food struggles are not about food, the underlying issues must always be addressed in order for 'normal eating' to occur. For this reason, Koenig encourages the reader to reframe his or her fears and concerns about food and the rules of 'normal eating' -- she walks the reader through this process. If you do struggle with food issues, it is likely that therapy or some kind of support will be a necessary part of the healing and recovery process because reframing fears (along with other issues, such as control, etc) takes time and hard work. However, it is important to have books and resources that help you along on this journey. For more information on 'normal eating' according to Karen Koenig, visit her website at http://www.eatingnormal.com!

**The four rules were taken from page 20 of her book...

Orthorexia

When most people hear about eating disorders, they typically think of anorexia, bulimia, and maybe even binge eating disorder. Binge eating disorder (BED) is receiving more attention lately than it has in the past--and as a side note, Cynthia Bulik, the Director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program, recently wrote a great book on binge eating called Crave that is worth checking out.

Anyways, what you may not know is that the way in which these eating disorders present themselves can differ from person to person. We are always learning more about eating disorders as research is being done, and recently, there have been an increasing number of discussions about a variation of anorexia called orthorexia. To be clear, orthorexia is not defined as its own type of eating disorder-- it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Orthorexia is different from anorexia in its motivation, in that one who is orthorexic is not necessarily trying to lose weight or be thin; rather, one is trying to eat as healthfully as possible. As with all eating disorders, the underlying causes go much deeper than a desire to be thin or to be healthy.

Orthorexia, as defined by the National Association of Eating Disorders (NEDA), is a "fixation on righteous eating." Dr. Steven Bratman is responsible for coining this term, and he describes it as a "pathological fixation on eating proper food." Basically, the idea is that one becomes so obsessed with consuming healthy food, and refuses to eat anything but food that is of a high purity and quality. This may even apply to how a food is packaged. There is often an obsessive compulsive quality that accompanies this type of eating behavior. Most residential facilities that treat eating disorders treat orthorexia and are educated about this form of anorexia. For more information on orthorexia, follow THIS LINK.

Also, visit THIS LINK to read NEDA's information about orthorexia.

Life Without ED

Today's post is dedicated to a book that I think anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder (or is currently struggling with one) should read.  Jenni Schaefer, a musician/author/activist, has written this book with the help of Thom Rutledge, a therapist who has counseled her throughout her recovery.

Jenni shares pieces of her personal journey, while also sharing how she has recovered from/learned to manage her eating disorder. She writes about how she has learned to do this with the help of her therapist, who encouraged her to separate herself from her eating disorder, which she affectionately nicknamed ED. 

On her personal website, she has a great page devoted to eating disorder resources/links. Follow this link to check them out. Jenni also has a new book coming out entitled Goodbye Ed, Hello Life.  This book not only focuses on recovery, but the freedom and joy that comes from complete recovery of an eating disorder. She provides hope and encouragement in both books through sharing her experiences and acting as an example that recovery from an eating disorder is possible and that life in recovery can be lived with joy and peace!!