Accentuate the Positive

I may or not have just spent the last ...ohhh 10 minutes googling the phrase 'Accentuate the Positive+ Disney movie' .... And apparently, I'm not the only person who has performed this google search!! It appears that a lot of other people have Asked Jeeves and ChaCha the same thing, and haven't been able to get a straight answer. I am so confused right now. Haha. Anyways, the point is that I have had this song stuck in my head for a few weeks, and the best I could come up with is this video below of Bette Midler and Bing Crosby singing this song together. It is just sooo bizarre to me because I have never heard them sing this song in my life (to my knowledge). I have no clue why, how or where this song popped into my head. I am absolutely convinced that it was played in some movie I watched when I was a kid.. the closest thing to it that I could think of was 'Bare Necessities' which was in the Jungle Book, but that is not it.  






Anyways, tangent! The purpose of me bringing this song up in the first place has to do with the power of positive thinking-- and talking. Let me clarify though because I am not really referring to the kind of positive thinking that 'The Secret'  promotes... that putting positive energy out into the universe yields positive events, etc. I'm just talking about plain old positivity. How often have you been around someone that is cheerful, positive, friendly and genuinely complimentary of people, and just felt really good after spending time being around that person? Likewise, have you ever been around someone who is negative or critical of themselves or others, and always has a negative comment about something? How does it make you feel?

Over the past few months, I have become really aware of the power and influence that people have to either build you up and make you feel good and positive (not just about yourself but about life in general), or uncomfortable, insecure, and/or self-critical. This relates to body image in that when we fat talk ["my butt is huge", "i can't believe i ate that", "i feel soo fat right now", "that person is so skinny, i'm jealous", "i'll never have the body i want", "that girl's body is perfect", etc..], we are automatically influencing and impacting the people that are around us, whether we intend it or not. While we may just be thinking of ourselves when we make such comments, we are putting others in a position to consider those same questions or concerns that are usually unhealthy and unproductive. It's okay to have a vent session sometimes, no one is perfect of course, but even if for the sake of others, consider the words that come out of your mouth! I think it is awesome that we can use our words to build people up. Pointing out the positive things in any given situation, voicing good traits about people instead of annoying ones :-), noticing beauty of all kinds, being able to appreciate it and include others in it... These are all ways that one person can make a difference. Try it!

Body Image Role Models...

There have been a lot of articles, blog posts, etc. circulating this week on behalf of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). I read one in particular today that I wanted to share. It is awesome. Dara Chadwick, an author and blogger ("You'd Be So Pretty If...") often writes about her experiences navigating through body image issues as the mother of a small daughter. In her post, she was addressing the issue about whether or not mothers can be body image role models for their daughters if they have body hang-ups of their own. The cool thing about her post is that having children or daughters does not make this post any more or less relevant. I think this is an important question for all of us!! How do we model positive body image to friends, family members, etc, if we sometimes have those days when we don't exactly feel so hot?? What does it mean to have a healthy body image? I love this post. Check it out below-


This past week, I did a reading and body image talk at a local library. I love talking to small gatherings because they often turn into interesting and thought-provoking discussions, and I adore the energy of a great exchange of ideas.

During our discussion, one participant -- who runs a program for teen girls through an area women's resource center -- mentioned that she often struggles with talking to "her girls" about body image because she herself doesn't always feel good about her body. It's a question I hear from moms time and again (and one that inspired the subtitle of You'd Be So Pretty If...) -- how can I raise a daughter who feels good about her body when I don't feel good about my own?

I understand that feeling. Believe me, on days when I look in the mirror and find myself displeased with the image that greets me, I feel like a hypocrite. What kind of body image role model am I if I can't accept myself as I am, always?

But as I thought more about that very question, I came to this conclusion: I'm a good body image role model. To borrow a theme from Oprah, what I know for sure from all my thinking, writing and talking about body image is that perfection doesn't exist, including being the perfect role model. There's no finish line in the body image race -- no point at which we can say, "That's it. I'm done." Self-acceptance is a process, and the reality is that we'll be better at it on some days than others.

Here's what I can say with clarity: Awareness is key. Being aware of -- and owning -- the ways that we disparage, belittle, sabotage and beat up on ourselves is the first step in building a healthier body image. Negative thoughts might creep in from time to time, but I can stop, acknowledge them and re-direct my thinking. In doing so, I build my capacity for breaking the cycle of negative thinking and for re-framing my thoughts in a more positive way. And, in time, positive thinking builds on itself and changes the way we see and talk about ourselves.

Making that choice every day, and teaching others that they can make a similar choice, is at the heart of being a good body image role model.

So, no, you don't have to never have a negative thought or love everything about the way you look to set a great example. You just have to be willing to challenge what you think you see.

Here's to all the body image role models out there.

In other news, I am looking forward to hearing my friend and colleague Ellen Morrison speak tonight at Meredith College on "How to Help Others With Eating Disorders." If you are in Raleigh, come on out- she is speaking at 7pm in Ledford Hall (it's free!) to raise awareness about eating disorders in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). 

It's National Compliment Day! : )

I just found out it's National Compliment Day!! Which of course calls for a blog post, right?! Things have been a little busy for me lately... so I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like to. BUT, who can pass up National Compliment Day? 


Regardless of when you actually read this post, make sure that you are taking time to tell your loved ones, family members, friends, co-workers, the person bagging your groceries, your mailman, etc. what you appreciate about them! It never hurts to hear :) A little positive affirmation can go a long way! And, you just never know what a kind word can do for someone.  In that same vein, don't forget to remember the things you like about yourself!! It not only helps to build your confidence, but the way that we think impacts how we feel and how we act. You can start a positive chain reaction simply by having a positive thought!


Soo- Make it your goal to tell at least one person today what you appreciate about them! Ready... go! 

On Numbers...

I received a comment on my blog the other day that really impacted me (which I appreciated! ... I always like hearing feedback and being able to engage with different perspectives and thoughts about issues of all kinds- so I encourage comments!!). Anyways, in my last post about the holidays, I mentioned that 'fat talk' seems to be at an all time high. I also mentioned that while at a holiday party recently, someone asked me how much I weigh. While I was a little taken aback at the question and found a way to evade it creatively (I actually don't own a scale), I also (flippantly) wrote that a number is just a number. The comment that got me thinking was made by an anonymous reader, who challenged my statement that a number is just a number.

Here is what the reader had to say, "You say a number is just a number and so therefore, it doesn't mean anything... but you couldn't be more wrong. It's the rational and easy thing to say but numbers are what drive most people, both good and bad. It's pathetic, but the truth is when you have a good day on the scale, you feel like you can conquer anything."

I can't say that there haven't been times when numbers haven't defined me. One example? Grades! My GPA mattered way too much to me. And I sometimes think about how hard I worked and how much pressure I put on myself-- and how little it would have mattered if I had gotten a B, or ten. I don't think one person has asked me what my GPA in grad school was... and that's because it doesn't matter what my grades were... it matters if I am skilled at what I do, if I have knowledge and the ability to apply it practically, if I have a good work ethic, if I am honest, if I have integrity, if I do my best. Those are all qualities that cannot be measured by a number.

In that same vein, how is it that a number- whether on a scale, in a bank account or on a friends list on facebook- can have the power to define my value or give me the ability to be all that I was created to be and do? While I certainly can identify with numbers providing a sense of self-worth, I know that they are ultimately meaningless. The best things in life cannot be confined to or defined by numbers: friendship, love, faith, family... When the temptation sets in for us to believe the lie that the number on the scale (or any other number) is what makes us successful, what makes us good enough, or what makes us attractive- it is helpful and critical to remember that the most important things and experiences can never be defined by numbers.

Mean Girls, Fat Talk and A Video Contest!

Mean Girls was- and still is- a classic movie about high school, popularity, and being true to yourself. It makes me laugh every time I watch it (mostly out of disbelief) because of the way it depicts the social strata of high school. I will say that one thing Mean Girls does a great job of is humorously exposing some of the hideous ways that us girls treat each other, as well as the ways that we talk about ourselves and one another. I remember at my high school, we had our own version of 'the plastics' but they called themselves 'the six pack.' Gross! Anyways, one scene that really stands out to me takes place in Regina George's bedroom, where all four 'mean girls' are hanging out. They end up in front of the mirror, picking themselves apart and engaging in negative talk about their bodies. Cady, the new girl in the group, doesn't understand why they are talking so badly about themselves. The following is the dialogue that takes place in front of the mirror:

"My hips are huge."

"Oh please, I hate my calves."

"At least you can wear halters, I have man shoulders."

"My hairline is so weird."

"My pores are huge."

"My nail beds suck."

Now, let's face it. We all have moments where we may not feel our best, but ladies, this kind of talk, also known as 'fat talk' needs to stop! It is sad that we can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. So, what is fat talk and why do we need to cut it out?? According to the Reflections: Body Image Program, "Fat Talk describes all of the statements made in everyday conversation that reinforce the thin ideal and contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies. Examples of fat talk may include: “I’m so fat,” “Do I look fat in this?” “I need to lose 10 pounds” and “She’s too fat to be wearing that swimsuit.” Statements that are considered fat talk don’t necessarily have to be negative; they can seem positive yet also reinforce the need to be thin – “You look great! Have you lost weight?”." Fat talk reinforces unhealthy beliefs and attitudes about our bodies, and also has a negative impact on others as well!

So what can we do about this?! Well, there is a very unique way for you to get involved, share your voice, and help to impact change!! Fat Talk Free Week, put on annually by Tri-Delta and the Reflections: Body Image Program, will be starting soon-- on October 18-22! I will be posting more on this as the time draws closer, but wanted to alert you all of a great opportunity! This year, there is a video contest. Make a short video to show what you are doing to end 'fat talk' and upload it to the official End Fat Talk facebook fan page (here). Video submissions are due by Wednesday, October 20. Once uploaded, friends and family can vote for your video and one lucky winner will take home a $1000 gift card to Best Buy! This video campaign is a great way to promote positive body talk and to impact change!!

Below is a powerful video that was made to inspire change, as well as to promote Fat Talk Free Week. Consider participating in the video contest this year. And if you aren't feeling compelled to submit a video, that's okay!! But think about how else you might be able to get involved this year to help reduce and eliminate fat talk- whether it starts with you, in your own mind and conversations, or in conversations you have with others. One person can make a difference.

A History of Our Bodies and Beauty

One thing I have been thinking about lately is trends. They come and go, but while a trend is hot, a majority of people (not everyone, but a lot of people) follow whatever is popular- whether it be a clothing style, accessories (silly bandz anyone?), music, a book or author, electronics, etc. Just an FYI- I'm not knocking on following trends, because let's face it, I'm blogging :)

But as I have been thinking about trends, one thing that has really hit home is the way that 'beauty' and our bodies have been subjected to trends over time. For example, in the early 1900's, Victorian women wore corsets (pictured to the left) in order to make their waists appear smaller for the expressed purpose of accentuating their hips and butt, and to give them the illusion of being rounder and fuller. 20 years later, flapper girls were binding their breasts and working to achieve a boyish figure, thin and straight. 30 years later in the 1950's, Marilyn Monroe was THE icon of beauty. It surprises many people that she was a size 16. She had curves, and her body was the ideal.

It is important to note, as an aside, that throughout the shifts in trends with bodies and beauty, most of us women have tried hard to emulate them, no matter how radical the shift. Case in point, only 10 years later, Twiggy, the super skinny model (hence the name Twiggy) was all the rage and people wanted to look just like her! While thinness and weight loss have continued to be trends since that time, the 1980's were a time in which being fit and toned was considered ideal (Jane Fonda anyone?). When the 1990's rolled around, Baywatch Babe Pamela Anderson was a global icon- she was skinny with huge boobs, which became a major trend in the 90's. If you look around now, the majority of these 'looks' or 'ideals' seem to be outdated, meaning they are no longer in style. How do our bodies and beauty go out of style?

One thing that I have been thinking about is the sheer absurdity of our natural bodies (and how we define beauty) as being defined by trends. Surely, fashions change, and how we wear our makeup and clothes, etc, will change. But I think that we must learn to accept our bodies as they are, and celebrate them as they are because otherwise, we will have a relationship with our bodies that forces us to adapt and change with the trends, meaning we are never able to accept ourselves as we are. The only way for us to feel beautiful is to change ourselves. When the trends begin to change, we must change in order to accept and like ourselves and our bodies. That just seems backwards. It doesn't mean that we all don't ever play into the dynamic of trends, but I think that in considering the history of beauty and our bodies, we may see that beauty is something that goes way deeper, and cannot be defined by trends. If the ideal of beauty is changing every 10, 20, 30 years, maybe we should at least consider defining beauty in ways that don't change. It might help us be more confident, it might help us to accept ourselves and consequently, really love who we are! Think about it, and see what you come up with. Would love to hear your thoughts!

**(History/facts taken from thesite.org)

Video Encouragement : )

I am currently working on a presentation for Monday that I am giving on body image to women at a local college, and I am so excited. I have been preparing a multimedia presentation, and although I may have shared this video awhile ago, I want to share it again. Everytime that I watch it, I am moved by how powerful it is to hear different women share their feelings about their bodies. I think I watched it three times yesterday as I was compiling everything for my presentation!!

This video is compliments of The Body Image Project. Take a look and pass it on to your friends who might appreciate it. Not only is it one way to brighten your day, but you may brighten someone else's day by encouraging them to accept and celebrate who they are :)

Look at you // The Body Image Project from Body Image Project on Vimeo.

Scouts Honor

I don't really have many regrets in my life- but one that I do have is that I was never a Girl Scout. Ok, that's kind of a joke- but I was a Campfire Girl :). Based on the name, you might have a good idea of what kind of group this was- an outdoorsy, camping group for young girls (similar to the Girl Scouts, just more focused on camping and outdoor activities). The funniest part about this is that I asked if I could be a Campfire Girl. For those of you who know me, this is pretty laughable. I love sunshine and being outside, but I'm not exactly the prototypical nature lover and I wasn't really what you would call an outdoorsy child. When the Campfire Girls used to have camping outings, I used to ask my parents to pick me up so I could go home and sleep in my own bed, and then drop me off back at the campsite in the morning so that I could sit around the bonfire in the morning with everyone else. How terrible is that?! Haha. Now that I look back, I'm thinking there was probably a better group for me. Perhaps the Girl Scouts? : )

The Girl Scouts have recently launched a new initiative to help boost girls' self-esteem. I have been so impressed with The Girl Scout organization- they have done SO much for young girls and have really invested a lot into nurturing the self-esteem and confidence of girls all across the US. Their mission: To build girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place. Their new campaign, 'The Changing Face of Fashion' is based upon research that they conducted. They found that in spite of girls knowing that the fashion industry's ideals of beauty are unattainable and unrealistic, 89% of them still wanted to adhere to those standards!! As a result, the Girl Scouts hired four plus-size models and had them share their stories in a series of online videos about self-esteem and body image.

I really, really applaud the Girl Scout organization for using research and targeting a specific need of young women. I wonder though if there is a way for them to address this issue without the use of models? I wonder what it would be like for these young women to hear real women share their struggles with body image and self-esteem, and the impact that the fashion industry has had on them and how they have dealt with it and are dealing with it. I watched some of these videos (check them out here) and I wonder if these plus-size models (who are likely size 10's) do anything to help dispel these beliefs held by young women. I don't know that I have a better suggestion, but what I do know is that using the flawed modeling/fashion industry as a way to combat the irrational beliefs often perpetuated by the industry just seems a little confusing and backwards. I think at this point though, it is great just to get young girls to consider that beauty comes in all different sizes and shapes and colors. And it seems like that is what the Girl Scouts are doing! To check out more about the Girl Scouts and what they are doing, follow this link.

One Woman's Thoughts on Barbie...

I grew up playing with Barbies- cutting their hair, putting real make-up on them, and dressing them up in all kinds of crazy outfits. I actually used to force my brother to play Barbies with me sometimes when we were little and we would argue over who got to drive the Barbie corvette or the Barbie volvo- sorry Jonathan to out you like this. I was a bossy kid and I didn't like playing Barbies by myself! : ) Because of my history of playing with Barbies as a kid, I wouldn't say that I am a hater. But I would by no means say that I am a fan. The sort of global impact that Barbie has had on the self-esteems and body images of women everywhere is not to be overlooked. Let's just take a minute and look at the following facts about Barbie..

Barbie, the best selling fashion doll in the world, has unattainable and unhealthy body proportions. If she were alive, she would be unable to menstruate. Research has shown that very young girls (ages 5-7) who are exposed to Barbie have lower self esteem and want a thinner body than they have.(Dittmar, Halliwell, & Ive, 2006)

While statistics vary depending on which source you use, Barbie's dimensions (if she were alive) would be somewhere around the following- she would be 6 feet tall, 100 lbs., and wearing a size 4. Her measurements would be 39"/19"/33" and as a result would have to walk on all fours because her body's dimensions would not allow her to stand upright (Statistics taken from Eating Disorders Info and ANRED).

Does playing with Barbies cause eating disorders? No way. If that were the case, we'd all have developed eating disorders. But I believe that the way in which we view our bodies and beauty has probably been shaped by Barbie, a pop cultural icon, in some capacity. Interestingly enough, the story of how Barbie came to be might surprise you. It really surprised me. Dr. Susan Albers who has written some great books on mindful eating wrote a piece in the Huffington Post recently entitled "Why I Don't Hate Barbie Anymore." She shares about the life of Ruth Handler, the woman who created Barbie. Handler, the youngest of her 10 siblings, was raised by her eldest sister. She wanted to make something of herself and be successful in spite of the odds and circumstances stacked against her. Handler found worth, value and self-esteem in her work. She even went on to create prosthetics for breast cancer survivors who had lost their breasts to cancer- sadly, she was one of these women.

This article (as well as the book written about Handler's life) provides some very interesting context and thoughts on Barbie, her legacy and the woman behind the doll, as well as a GREAT message on self-esteem and where we each find our value. I would really encourage you to check it out (here!). Let me be clear- in the words of Dr. Albers- "Barbie's negative symbolism and impact on body image clearly overshadows the rest of this story." I can't do this piece justice in my description of it, so I would encourage you to read it for yourself (here). I know I am always encouraging you all to check out different articles, but if you read just one, read this one! What a great reminder that our value and worth as people come from more than our achievements and 'success.'