Body Image Role Models...

There have been a lot of articles, blog posts, etc. circulating this week on behalf of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). I read one in particular today that I wanted to share. It is awesome. Dara Chadwick, an author and blogger ("You'd Be So Pretty If...") often writes about her experiences navigating through body image issues as the mother of a small daughter. In her post, she was addressing the issue about whether or not mothers can be body image role models for their daughters if they have body hang-ups of their own. The cool thing about her post is that having children or daughters does not make this post any more or less relevant. I think this is an important question for all of us!! How do we model positive body image to friends, family members, etc, if we sometimes have those days when we don't exactly feel so hot?? What does it mean to have a healthy body image? I love this post. Check it out below-


This past week, I did a reading and body image talk at a local library. I love talking to small gatherings because they often turn into interesting and thought-provoking discussions, and I adore the energy of a great exchange of ideas.

During our discussion, one participant -- who runs a program for teen girls through an area women's resource center -- mentioned that she often struggles with talking to "her girls" about body image because she herself doesn't always feel good about her body. It's a question I hear from moms time and again (and one that inspired the subtitle of You'd Be So Pretty If...) -- how can I raise a daughter who feels good about her body when I don't feel good about my own?

I understand that feeling. Believe me, on days when I look in the mirror and find myself displeased with the image that greets me, I feel like a hypocrite. What kind of body image role model am I if I can't accept myself as I am, always?

But as I thought more about that very question, I came to this conclusion: I'm a good body image role model. To borrow a theme from Oprah, what I know for sure from all my thinking, writing and talking about body image is that perfection doesn't exist, including being the perfect role model. There's no finish line in the body image race -- no point at which we can say, "That's it. I'm done." Self-acceptance is a process, and the reality is that we'll be better at it on some days than others.

Here's what I can say with clarity: Awareness is key. Being aware of -- and owning -- the ways that we disparage, belittle, sabotage and beat up on ourselves is the first step in building a healthier body image. Negative thoughts might creep in from time to time, but I can stop, acknowledge them and re-direct my thinking. In doing so, I build my capacity for breaking the cycle of negative thinking and for re-framing my thoughts in a more positive way. And, in time, positive thinking builds on itself and changes the way we see and talk about ourselves.

Making that choice every day, and teaching others that they can make a similar choice, is at the heart of being a good body image role model.

So, no, you don't have to never have a negative thought or love everything about the way you look to set a great example. You just have to be willing to challenge what you think you see.

Here's to all the body image role models out there.

In other news, I am looking forward to hearing my friend and colleague Ellen Morrison speak tonight at Meredith College on "How to Help Others With Eating Disorders." If you are in Raleigh, come on out- she is speaking at 7pm in Ledford Hall (it's free!) to raise awareness about eating disorders in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). 

It's National Compliment Day! : )

I just found out it's National Compliment Day!! Which of course calls for a blog post, right?! Things have been a little busy for me lately... so I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like to. BUT, who can pass up National Compliment Day? 


Regardless of when you actually read this post, make sure that you are taking time to tell your loved ones, family members, friends, co-workers, the person bagging your groceries, your mailman, etc. what you appreciate about them! It never hurts to hear :) A little positive affirmation can go a long way! And, you just never know what a kind word can do for someone.  In that same vein, don't forget to remember the things you like about yourself!! It not only helps to build your confidence, but the way that we think impacts how we feel and how we act. You can start a positive chain reaction simply by having a positive thought!


Soo- Make it your goal to tell at least one person today what you appreciate about them! Ready... go! 

What Will You Gain This Year??

On my way to work the other day, I heard a radio advertisement that started out with a woman saying something like- "This year, I don't want to lose weight." That got my attention pretty fast!! ... You don't hear that very often, especially around this time of the year! Out of curiosity I kept listening and the ad continued on, while the actress re-stated the same objective (not wanting to lose weight)-- just in different ways. Then she said, "This year, I will gain ten fingers, and ten toes." I was a little taken aback by that, but once I realized that this was an ad for a local fertility/reproductive center at a local hospital I laughed and understood!! I think what I liked about this ad was that it focused not on losing something about ourselves in the New Year but on gaining or adding something to ourselves in the New Year. And I don't mean weight!! 

I think at this time of the year ("diet season") when it's so easy to get caught up in the latest diet fads, celebrity 'diet tricks and secrets', resolutions to drop X number of pounds...  it's helpful to consider instead what we might GAIN in this new year. Now, again... I am not talking about weight in all of this. :) What I am talking about is what we might add to our lives, what we might gain in experiences, perspective, knowledge, faith, love, etc.. Consider 2011 as an opportunity to grow, to do new things, to add meaning to your life in new ways. Rather than having resolutions or goals that reinforce unhealthy beliefs or behaviors, think about putting your energy into positive things that will enrich your life and will enable you to pursue your dreams and aspirations. Growing in health might certainly be one of those goals, and that is fantastic. Remember above all what it means to be healthy!! Health is more than just a physical state, it is a mental, emotional, and spiritual state as well. Be mindful and aware of your goals and how you approach them- Are your goals adding something beneficial to your life? Are you growing in knowledge of yourself and others?  Do you have any accountability or support in your life to help you pursue your goals and dreams? Maybe those are some questions for us all to think about as we move towards our goals this year... ! Happy 2011 everyone! : )

Giving Thanks for 2010

While I'm not so much into New Years Resolutions, I am definitely into the excitement of new beginnings and fresh starts... as well as the hope that accompanies a New Year.. hope for the exciting, challenging, life-giving experiences and events that are to come. At this time of the year, I think we can get so caught up in making goals for the new year (in addition to thinking about the goals that we maybe didn't reach or achieve from this past year)... that I think sometimes we forget to look back and consider all of the things that we have experienced and learned. In this spirit of remembrance and gratitude (and nostalgia!!), I wanted to take a minute to give thanks for a few meaningful things and experiences that occurred in my life this last year. And I would encourage you to do the same as you look both behind and ahead!!

My Office, North Raleigh !!

I am so thankful for the opportunity to do what I LOVE (therapy!), to have an office that I love (that's my office on the left!), and to share office space with a friend I love. As if that weren't enough, a new Whole Foods is opening in just a month right across the street from my office.. I sure have a lot to be thankful for :). 


Of course, it doesn't mean that the transition into having my own practice this year has been without its bumps, but I have SO enjoyed being out on my own, I have learned so much professionally and personally, and truly could not be happier. Sometimes big changes can be daunting... Ray Bradbury's quote about courage often comes to mind.. that sometimes when you leap off a cliff you have to learn to build your wings on the way down. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have had to build my wings these last few years and for the awesome people in my life who have helped me to develop these wings so that I could float and fly this year when I needed to...

I am also so encouraged and energized by the people that I work with each day, and learn so much about life and the human condition from each person that I meet. I am thankful that people let me into their lives and are willing to share their hearts, their struggles and their fears, including those of you who read my blog. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me as well. 

I have to say that I am also thankful for new experiences that I have had this year, visiting and seeing new places, 'making new friends and keeping the old', and for all of the chances I have had to grow, change, learn and love. I am excited to see what 2011 brings. I am confident that this next year will usher in both challenges and opportunities, both of which I look forward to...  

I took this picture while I was sailing in Maui in July... !

   

Helpful Hints for the Holidays...

I came across this creative acronym below ('happy holidays') on a site called 'Something Fishy'-- a resource for eating disorder information, as well as referral sources for treatment care providers. Anyways, Sharon Sward is the one who created this acronym, and it is a little tool that serves to remind us of some helpful things during a season in which food can be a central part of celebrations, and consequently can cause anxiety, discomfort, urges and triggering thoughts and feelings. Check it out below... 

Hunger means you eat when physically hungry instead of emotionally hungry.

Attitudes about your size have to do with the size of your heart instead of the size of your body.

People accept and value you for who you are, not according to how you look.

Problems are resolved in ways other than stuffing your feelings with food.

You spend as much time and energy on helping others as you do on how you look.

Happiness comes from within rather than from expectations of others.

Occasions for the holidays emphasize relating to others instead of emphasizing food.

Love of self means you deserve to treat yourself in the best humanly possible way.

Identity of self involves more than how you look.

Disapproval of self is changed to approval of who you are.

Acceptance of what one can not change includes your body features.

You treat yourself as you treat your best friend.

Society values you for being you without emphasis to your weight or size.

by: Sharon Sward, President of Eating Disorder Professionals of Colorado

Author of You Are More Than What You Weigh

Radio Talk Show Host on self-esteem, weight, and eating disorders

On Numbers...

I received a comment on my blog the other day that really impacted me (which I appreciated! ... I always like hearing feedback and being able to engage with different perspectives and thoughts about issues of all kinds- so I encourage comments!!). Anyways, in my last post about the holidays, I mentioned that 'fat talk' seems to be at an all time high. I also mentioned that while at a holiday party recently, someone asked me how much I weigh. While I was a little taken aback at the question and found a way to evade it creatively (I actually don't own a scale), I also (flippantly) wrote that a number is just a number. The comment that got me thinking was made by an anonymous reader, who challenged my statement that a number is just a number.

Here is what the reader had to say, "You say a number is just a number and so therefore, it doesn't mean anything... but you couldn't be more wrong. It's the rational and easy thing to say but numbers are what drive most people, both good and bad. It's pathetic, but the truth is when you have a good day on the scale, you feel like you can conquer anything."

I can't say that there haven't been times when numbers haven't defined me. One example? Grades! My GPA mattered way too much to me. And I sometimes think about how hard I worked and how much pressure I put on myself-- and how little it would have mattered if I had gotten a B, or ten. I don't think one person has asked me what my GPA in grad school was... and that's because it doesn't matter what my grades were... it matters if I am skilled at what I do, if I have knowledge and the ability to apply it practically, if I have a good work ethic, if I am honest, if I have integrity, if I do my best. Those are all qualities that cannot be measured by a number.

In that same vein, how is it that a number- whether on a scale, in a bank account or on a friends list on facebook- can have the power to define my value or give me the ability to be all that I was created to be and do? While I certainly can identify with numbers providing a sense of self-worth, I know that they are ultimately meaningless. The best things in life cannot be confined to or defined by numbers: friendship, love, faith, family... When the temptation sets in for us to believe the lie that the number on the scale (or any other number) is what makes us successful, what makes us good enough, or what makes us attractive- it is helpful and critical to remember that the most important things and experiences can never be defined by numbers.

On Giving Thanks...

I can't even believe it is this time of year again... Thanksgiving!! Time flies!! In light of Thanksgiving being very much a 'food' holiday (something that can be anxiety provoking for those who struggle with food), one thing that I think can be helpful is to go back to the basics of what Thanksgiving is truly about! Soo, I asked cha cha where Thanksgiving originated (just kidding!!). No but really, Thanksgiving marks a time when the pilgrims voyaged to America. After a tough year, in which more than a third of those who had come over on the Mayflower died, there had been a very plentiful harvest and so, they commemorated their blessings with a feast. I think along the way, Thanksgiving took on some cultural adaptations- you know, Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving:), but specifically the kinds of food that we consider to be traditional Thanksgiving food (the pilgrims ate more of a traditional English meal).

Anyways, the point is that the pilgrims were celebrating their blessings after a tough year. And while all of us have had different kinds of years- some good, some tough, some both- I think that no matter what our days, weeks, months and year have been like, it is good to set aside time to be thankful!! There is always something to be thankful for : ) This year has been a year of change for me with going out on my own in private practice. And I am so thankful for all that this change and this year have brought. I am thankful for health, family, a job that I love, and people in my life that I love. I am thankful that I woke up this morning, I am thankful that there is a roof over my head, I am thankful that my body functions as it was created to. I am thankful for Peace that surpasses all understanding, I am thankful for sunshine, I am thankful for the hope that I have in days to come. : )

What are you thankful for this year??

It's Love Your Body Day!!

There's a lot going on this week!! Fat Talk Free Week started Monday, and today, October 20, is Love Your Body Day!

Having one day set aside to be thankful for our bodies is great, and yet, I think that loving our body is something we should try to do everyday! This can be a pretty tough task.. which is why I italicized the word 'try.' : ) Take some time out today to consider all that your body does for you- that usually fosters gratitude for what we have!!

Love Your Friends!!

September happens to be National Women's Friendship Month. I personally believe every month should be National Women's Friendship Month because a girl needs her friends all the time!!! But maybe the idea of taking a month to recognize the importance of friendship is a good reminder for all of us girls (well, and boys too!) to be thankful for the friends in our lives who have been there for us-- and with us-- through the ups and downs! I know that I am SO thankful for all of my friends, especially my very best friends! Even though some of them might live far away from me geographically (like the ones pictured above and below that were taken this summer-love you girls!), they are closer than ever in my heart. (Awwww! So cheesy!)

I think that the whole topic of friendship is especially relevant as it relates to body image and eating disorders. You might be wondering how!! Well, I believe that we were created to be in community with people, and sometimes, having poor body image and/or an eating disorder can interfere and take us out of community with others. Perhaps you might withdraw socially because you don't want people to know how you are really doing, you don't want people to notice your disordered habits or unhealthy attitudes--avoiding and isolating can become pretty standard. If we are pursuing lives of health, it is so critical to have friends and loved ones around us for support!! We need to have people in our lives who are willing to listen, and willing to be there for us when we struggle- whether it involves food, body image, family, marriage, work, friendships, relationships, etc! But friendship is about more than just the struggles- it is also about celebrating each other's successes and encouraging us to grow and develop into the women that we want to be! These friendships can certainly be few and far between, but what they lack in number they more than make up for in fullness!!

Remind those friends today that they mean something special to you, that they are loved and that you are thankful for them! Love to all of my friends!!

Race For The Cure and Body Image

The Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure took place in Raleigh, NC this past Saturday, and it was such an inspiring event. It held special meaning for me, as I have a grandmother and an aunt who have both battled breast cancer-- and survived!!! My aunt was actually in town from Oregon for follow up care at Duke, and so we formed a group and all participated together in this event. I have heard that participating in a Komen race is very different than other races, and as a first time participant, I think I saw why. First, there were SOOO many people that participated. If you look at the picture below-- it is a little tough to make out-- but as far as you can see, there are people that fill up the streets.

The other thing that seemed different to me was the heart and spirit in this event. I think that most people participating had been touched in some way by breast cancer. While my grandma and aunt are survivors, not everyone wins their battle with breast cancer. One of my friends that participated on our team lost her mother to breast cancer. Many, many people have lost loved ones to this illness and it is really heartbreaking.

The picture below is actually a shot of a few of the women that were on our team-- "Breast of Friends" : ) and you will notice the hot pink paper on these women's backs. These hot pink sheets of paper served as memorials to write names of people that you were walking in celebration of (survival), or in memory of, for those who have passed away. It was really sobering and emotional to see all of the names of people who have lost their lives to this illness. I think anytime, with any illness or disease, seeing names or faces make an impact because it personalizes the illness. In talking to my aunt over the course of her visit to Raleigh, she shared with me that battling and surviving breast cancer has changed her life and the way that she lives it in so many ways. One thing that she said that stood out to me was that she is thankful every single morning when she wakes up and realizes how blessed she is to be alive, and to have a body that works and is healthy.
This really impacted me and made me consider how her wise words can be applied to those of us who have not battled breast cancer! First, I think that her attitude of thankfulness is one to be emulated. There are a million ways that having an attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness can impact us-- as well as those around us. Whether it means that we worry a little less, we appreciate what we have more, or take our eyes off of what we lack and what we wish we had and focus on what we do have, it is always good to have perspective, and to live in a way that reflects that attitude.

Secondly, I think that this relates to body image and the ways that we think of and care for our bodies. I want to be clear, like I am often, that eating disorders are a mental illness. Part of having an eating disorder (diagnostically) is experiencing a severe disturbance and preoccupation with one's weight, shape, size, body-- so this is in no way meant to minimize the severity and nature of these thoughts. What I will say though, is that for those of us who struggle with body image and have a negative self-image, this may be a good reminder and an encouragement about all that our bodies can do for us, and how blessed we are to have bodies that are able to function how they are supposed to, that allow us to be active, and that allow us to experience life! Yes, it may be upsetting when our jeans fit more snug; yes, it may get you down when you flip through a magazine and see nothing but airbrushed 'beauties'; and yes, it may be frustrating when you don't feel good about yourself! These are all feelings that most women have experienced before, so you are not alone! But I will encourage you with the words of my brave aunt, who said that she wakes up every morning, thankful to be alive and to have a body that works. Rather than focus so much on the way that our bodies look, maybe if we start to appreciate all that our bodies do for us, and the fact that they allow us to experience life, we may begin to embrace our bodies a little more and appreciate them for what they are and what they do for us.

Who is the Biggest Loser Anyways??

I have a love/hate relationship with the Biggest Loser (well, it's mostly hate- haha! although hate is kind of a strong word but you get the picture...). I watched it a few times last year, but haven't really watched it since. Not because i actually hate it but more because I'm just not sure how comfortable I am with the whole concept of the show! I am all for getting fit and healthy, but I just don't know how healthy a process is that involves three to four hours of exercise a day. Seems just a little compulsive. But that's not the point right now haha. The point is that I read an article that I really enjoyed and wanted to post it for those of you who may be interested. It challenges the flawed cultural ideal that happiness=thinness, and uses the Biggest Loser to illustrate this point. I want to apologize to all my favorite friends and family members who love this show who may be upset with me for talking trash about the Biggest Loser, but I promise I'm not judging... Anyone who knows me knows that I love the Hills. And let's be honest, that is much worse. I have yet to comment on Heidi Montag's new face/body--I have been trying to refrain, but it's getting tougher to ignore and one of these days I am sure I will be posting about that..

Anyways, follow this link for the article! Scroll down just a little bit once the link pops up- and you will see the article. Happy reading!

20 Ways to Love Your Body

I have been preparing for a presentation on eating disorders that I will be giving tomorrow at a local high school, so I have been scouring the NEDA website looking for cool ideas, stats and other things to make my presentation non-boring to high school students (who are probably going to think I'm old and boring anyways- JK!!). Anyways, while I was scanning some of NEDA's resources online, I came across a list of '20 Ways to Love Your Body' compiled by Margo Maine, PhD that I thought some of you might enjoy reading! I am just going to copy and paste it below (with my additions in italics:)), or, you can also follow this link and check it out on NEDA's site.

20 Ways to Love Your Body by Margo Maine

1. Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.

3. Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.

4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.

5. Walk with your head held high, supported by confidence in yourself as a person [who is made by God and created beautifully!].

6. Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.

7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.

8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.

9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!

10. Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.

11. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver ever six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.

12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.

14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight (or punish yourself because of what you have eaten) or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good. Exercise for the three F's: fun, fitness, and friendship.

15. Think back to a time when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.

16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself (and look at it!)--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!

17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."

18. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself (because it is all around).

19. Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."

20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

Some of these may resonate with you more than others- I really appreciated number 4 and number 8. Gratitude is SO important; being thankful and having perspective can go a long way. Hopefully this list provides you with a few things to think about and some helpful pointers to start appreciating and loving your body! :)

Life Lessons by Goldilocks

It's a little funny that fairy tales and stories that were read to me as a little girl have been coming to mind lately. I'm not exactly sure what that means (haha), but what I would guess is that these stories come to mind because they actually have some good morals and principles rooted in them (that are not just meant for child-sized ears and lives) and are also relevant to daily happenings.

Today, through a couple of conversations that I had, I was thinking about and reminded of the extremes that we see in our culture when it comes to almost every single arena. Whether it's food, our bodies, and weight, or money, work, love, sex, success, sports, entertainment, etc.. extremes are everywhere. Whether it is an extreme diet, an extreme sport, an extreme behavior (like plastic surgery- Heidi Montag, anyone?), it seems that our culture is not only fixated on extremes but celebrates them. People are applauded and ridiculed based on their ability to conform to extremes. The media gives so much attention to extremes- whether these extremes are weight related or not. We are simultaneously fighting obesity as a nation, as well as a culture that fuels myths about eating disorders as a lifestyle choice. We are constantly made aware of great successes and great failures (which are defined and polarized by the media) and yet we don't necessarily have many positive role models that showcase what it's like to operate in a medium of balance- where both successes and failures are part of life, and where a gray area reigns, instead of the black and white. It seems to me that in a culture of extremes, one of the toughest things to achieve is balance. Outside of appearance and weight, some common questions that deal with balance include the following-- How much time do I spend working, and how much time do I spend playing? How much time should I spend with my family? How much time do I need to invest in cultivating my marriage/relationship? How much exercise is appropriate? How much time do I invest in my spiritual life? The questions can be endless and there is no sure answer for each individual. What I am sure of though is that we probably have a thing or two to learn from Goldilocks (strangely enough).

Goldilocks, for those of you who may need refreshing, broke into a cottage that belonged to three bears (probably not the part to emulate). She ate their porridge, sat in their chairs, and eventually fell asleep in one of their beds. The bears ended up returning home to find her asleep in one of their beds, and she ran out of the house, never to be seen again. Goldilocks is famous (to me, anyways) for the way in which she was a little picky, a little particular. When she tasted the bear's porridge, one bowl was too hot, and one bowl was too cold. But one was just right. The chairs and the beds were the same way-- not hot or cold, but too big, or too small, or too uncomfortable, etc. I guess the reason that she came to my mind today was because I think she is a good example of someone who was mindful of her surroundings and was able to make a decision based on what she felt was right in the moment. She may have been a little picky, but she noticed extremes and decided to operate in the gray area. While all of her options were benign and obviously not comparable to the kinds of things that I mentioned above regarding extremes, I think she is a good example of someone who is being mindful and balanced in her choices. I realize this is a bit of a stretch and may sound simplistic (it is), but I think being able to achieve balance is something that we really struggle with as a culture and as individuals.

This Goldilocks analogy does not apply to eating disorders (remember, EDs are a mental illness), but the analogy applies to the way that we view ourselves, perceptions of beauty, and life in general. So how do we work towards operating in the gray area so that we can live a life of balance? Being mindful, creating and maintaining boundaries, taking care of ourselves just as we take care of others, surrounding ourselves with kind and loving people, living out our values daily, and refuting and challenging irrational and negative thoughts/beliefs. Surely this list is not exhaustive. But I think by aiming to operate in this gray area and by finding a middle ground-- a balance, like Goldilocks did:)-- we might find that we are more content, that we feel better about ourselves, and that we become more accepting of ourselves and others. These are some of the things that give us character and ultimately make us beautiful.

To read about another children's story (the Velveteen Rabbit) and being real, follow this link.

Happy Independence Day!!

July 4th is one of my favorite holidays- I LOVE summer, fireworks, watermelon, and sunny days at the beach. I fully realize, however, that today is March 13 and we are not rapidly approaching July 4th at this point. Why do I even bring up July 4th?? Well, it is the day when we typically celebrate 'independence.' But I started thinking recently that while we celebrate independence collectively as a nation, it is not as common that we individually celebrate our personal independence from struggles or things that have held us back in the past-- or perhaps even from things that we are currently struggling with still that are holding us back. I'm not necessarily talking about making a big public declaration, or throwing a big party to celebrate your independence (if that is what you want to do though, go for it! haha). But personally acknowledging and having a fixed time set aside that exists to remind you and reflect on such a decision can provide great meaning and purpose. I have heard, as I'm sure many of you have, of people marking their days of sobriety- and that is surely a form of commemorating a momentous decision to turn from alcohol or another substance. While (like I said) I am not necessarily suggesting we release fireworks to mark our independence from something, I think that acknowledging the surrender that takes place with such a decision is important and worth remembering and reflecting on.

My intention in writing this post about independence, as weird as it might sound, is to encourage you to consider having an independence day for yourself. What exactly do I mean by this? Well, I think that we all go through things in our lives. I write a lot about body image and eating disorders, but there are certainly other struggles that exist out there as well that you may face!! Whether it is an eating disorder or body image issue, an unhealthy relationship that you find yourself struggling to get out of, an unhealthy habit that seems to control you, dependence on alcohol or an illicit substance, or something else, I think it is SO important to commemorate your decision to turn from whatever it is that is holding you back and is keeping you from being FREE so that you are able to use it as a means of pushing ahead. Of course, we don't all have a specific date or a specific time to commemorate moments like these and that is okay- because turning from an unhealthy behavior or a way of thinking can be a gradual process. The point is that having a specific date isn't necessary. What seems important (to me) is the heart behind this, which is that we are acknowledging a surrender of our will and are choosing to move forward from a certain point on. Surrender does not mean that we don't slip and sometimes fall back into old ways of thinking or acting- but surrender keeps us moving forward as we look ahead to a goal or a way of life that we strive to maintain.

Do you find that you stare at yourself in every reflection, mirror, store window, etc that you walk past, obsessively checking yourself out to make sure you look ok?? Do you feel like you need someone else (a friend, a boyfriend, a husband, a parent, your child, etc) to validate your worth?? Do you feel like you need to be a certain size or weight to be happy?? Do you feel that you need a certain food/drink/drug to feel alive or satisfied?? Are you constantly doubting yourself or being critical of yourself?? Any way of thinking or acting that keeps you from being free is a way of thinking or acting that is not only not helpful for you but serves to keep you in bondage. To start by simply acknowledging and becoming aware of such captivity is the first step. Making a decision to 'be free' is not as easy as it sounds, and requires diligence, faith and hard work!! For some of us, we need more support to experience freedom- whether that is with the help of a friend, a pastor, or a counselor, to walk through that process with.

I would encourage you to consider if anything (person, place, thing) is holding you back in your life and what may be keeping you from becoming the person you were created to be. There is no better way to live than in freedom!! Walter Conkrite said that "there is no such thing as a little freedom. Either you are all free, or you are not free." Sounds pretty obvious, right? Well, if that is the case... and if there is anything that is keeping you from being 'all free' than I would challenge you to take an action step forward- no matter how big or small.

**As an aside, I want to be clear that if you have an eating disorder, simply stating freedom from your ED does not usually make it go away-- and this is not what I am suggesting will happen if you declare a fight against your ED. An eating disorder is a mental illness, and as such, cannot just be wished away. However, your will in fighting your ED is soo important. Maybe your declaration of independence from your ED begins with pursuing professional help, or seeking the level of care that is appropriate and advised for you by a health professional. Or perhaps it means being committed to the recovery process. Whatever this action step may look like, I want to make sure that I am clear on this point! :)

Operation Beautiful

A lot of girls play dress-up when they're little. It's fun to dress up and pretend to be glamourous. I know when I was little, getting the chance to play around with make-up, high heels and princess dresses was definitely a special thing. However, I don't really remember looking up to anyone in the media and idolizing them. I know that I watched TV, and I wasn't a completely sheltered kid. But I don't remember having the kinds of 'role models' today that many young girls do (like Hannah Montana, etc). For example, I was at Target the other day, checking out, and there were two five year old looking girls with one of their mothers. They were looking at all of the magazines on display and kept screaming, "Ooohh Taylor Swift, I love her, she is so pretty. She is so lucky that she is dating [so-and-so]." All I kept thinking was- how do they know this stuff? Haha. I mean, I watch TV and read up on celebrity gossip from time to time but it just seemed weird to me that they knew so much about Taylor Swift. It just dawned on me how different things are for children who are growing up now, and how much more intense, accessible and available media is for people of all ages.

I guess the concerning thing to me is that when girls this young are exposed to an ideal standard of beauty as dictated by Hollywood, they are shaped from this young age to view beauty as what they see on the covers of magazines. The issue is not that young girls should not think Taylor Swift is beautiful, or that magazines are horrible. I actually love Taylor Swift and think she is a good role model for young girls- she appears to be gracious, hard working, and humble- all things that make one beautiful. The issue to me is that if young girls (as well as women of all ages) are not seeing people of all shapes, sizes and colors, etc, in the media that are regarded as beautiful, then it is likely they will view beauty very narrowly. And, beauty is not just about looks! How many times have you met someone that is physically attractive or beautiful, and then they spoke or acted in such a way that made them unattractive to you? As much as it is a cliche, beauty (in Hollywood) is only skin deep! In a world where already 'beautiful' people are getting plastic surgery to enhance their image, the messages that are sent to women about beauty are not necessarily healthy or positive.

Someone recently shared with me about a really amazing movement going on that is called Operation Beautiful, which aims to help people embrace their beauty. The mission of Operation Beautiful is to end fat talk, which involves talking about weight, lamenting over the width of our thighs (or any other body parts), and comparing ourselves to others! The tag-line on their website is "Ending Fat Talk One Anonymous Post-It At A Time." They encourage people to leave positive, encouraging, anonymous notes in random places- public restroom mirrors in schools, restaurants, etc- to be seen by random people. (An example from their site: When the world says 'give in', stay strong! You are a fighter. You are beautiful. Have a great day!) They encourage people to leave the website address on the note so people can go to the site and find out more about Operation Beautiful. The site is awesome in that people share personal stories about how they have been impacted by an anonymous note, as well as the impact that leaving notes around for people has on them. This is such a great pro-active way to encourage people and to end fat talk. The person who told me about Operation Beautiful leaves anonymous post-it notes in the diet/health section at Barnes and Noble. What a great idea!! The reason I love this so much is that so often it is difficult to know how to do little things that positively impact people in a significant way- and this is an example of something that is super easy to do but that makes a big difference.

For more information on Operation Beautiful, follow this link. And view this video below for more information and to be inspired by what they are doing!

Loving What is Real....

One of my all time favorite children's books is The Velveteen Rabbit. While it definitely brings back visions of tricycles and My Little Pony, this book was read to me often before bedtime and I had such an affection for this story. I remember one year for Christmas I received the newest edition of this book, along with a stuffed animal that was supposed to be the Velveteen Rabbit. It was one of my favorite gifts. As I have gotten older, and have gained a little bit of life experience since my days drinking out of a sippy cup, I still appreciate this book because I think its message transcends the playground.

The Velveteen Rabbit is more than a story about a boy and his stuffed animal; it is a parable that echoes a desire that we all have in our hearts to be loved and to be accepted as we are. At one point in the book, the Velveteen Rabbit has a discussion with the Skin Horse, another toy, about his fear that he will not be special or loved by the boy. The Velveteen Rabbit longs to be special, and believes that his experience of being accepted and loved will make him Real, which will ultimately give him validation. The following is a short excerpt of one of my favorite parts, in which the Skin Horse is talking to the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real:

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit

The reason that I love this part so much is because it extends to more than just toys. We get mixed messages today about beauty, and what is required of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved, to be beautiful. This certainly extends to our bodies, and the expectation that exists for us to be a certain size or shape in order to be perceived as beautiful. At the risk of sounding like a tired cliche, I think what makes us beautiful goes way beyond our appearance. And that is one reason why I love this book so much- it illustrates the idea that our character and experience is what makes us beautiful, and that people love us most when we are being the most authentic versions of ourselves. Our experience, our age, our resilience all make us real and make us beautiful!

As we try to navigate what is real in our culture today, we must decide how we define beauty and choose to base our standard on things that are different from what the media might tell us. One organization that is doing a great job of exploring beauty and educating young girls about self-esteem is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I have mentioned this organization more than once (follow this link, or this one to read more) because I think that the resources that they provide for young girls and women are wonderful. Whether you have body image struggles or not, whether you have an eating disorder or not, I think we can all relate to the message behind the Velveteen Rabbit of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted just as we are. I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me, and I will leave you with it.. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."