What Will You Gain This Year??

On my way to work the other day, I heard a radio advertisement that started out with a woman saying something like- "This year, I don't want to lose weight." That got my attention pretty fast!! ... You don't hear that very often, especially around this time of the year! Out of curiosity I kept listening and the ad continued on, while the actress re-stated the same objective (not wanting to lose weight)-- just in different ways. Then she said, "This year, I will gain ten fingers, and ten toes." I was a little taken aback by that, but once I realized that this was an ad for a local fertility/reproductive center at a local hospital I laughed and understood!! I think what I liked about this ad was that it focused not on losing something about ourselves in the New Year but on gaining or adding something to ourselves in the New Year. And I don't mean weight!! 

I think at this time of the year ("diet season") when it's so easy to get caught up in the latest diet fads, celebrity 'diet tricks and secrets', resolutions to drop X number of pounds...  it's helpful to consider instead what we might GAIN in this new year. Now, again... I am not talking about weight in all of this. :) What I am talking about is what we might add to our lives, what we might gain in experiences, perspective, knowledge, faith, love, etc.. Consider 2011 as an opportunity to grow, to do new things, to add meaning to your life in new ways. Rather than having resolutions or goals that reinforce unhealthy beliefs or behaviors, think about putting your energy into positive things that will enrich your life and will enable you to pursue your dreams and aspirations. Growing in health might certainly be one of those goals, and that is fantastic. Remember above all what it means to be healthy!! Health is more than just a physical state, it is a mental, emotional, and spiritual state as well. Be mindful and aware of your goals and how you approach them- Are your goals adding something beneficial to your life? Are you growing in knowledge of yourself and others?  Do you have any accountability or support in your life to help you pursue your goals and dreams? Maybe those are some questions for us all to think about as we move towards our goals this year... ! Happy 2011 everyone! : )

Happy New Year, friends! While I planned on my first post of 2011 being lighthearted with some encouraging thoughts for the New Year (don't worry, those are coming soon), I felt like I needed to first address something that has been coming up the last few days in many conversations that I have had with friends and clients alike. French model Isabelle Caro died at age 28 after a long struggle with anorexia. She had been struggling with anorexia since her youth, the struggle spanning half of her short life. When she entered the world of modeling, she was already struggling with her eating disorder; however, the environmental pressures resulted in further triggering her into an extremely dangerous state which in 2005 ultimately led her into a coma. Doctors thought that she would not survive, but she came out of the coma, was discharged from the hospital and continued to model. She wanted people to see the devastating effects and impact that an eating disorder has on its sufferer, and as a result, she decided to pose nude for an Italian advertisement in 2007 in an attempt to de-glamorize the thin ideal. More recently, within the last few years, she had been on different television shows and news programs discussing her experience with anorexia. Her recent death is extremely upsetting- and this entire story has raised some really important questions for me.

First, in 2007, when Isabelle posed for this campaign, she reportedly said regarding her intentions and hopes for such a campaign.. "I've hidden myself and covered myself for too long. Now I want to show myself fearlessly, even though I know my body arouses repugnance. I want to recover because I love life and the riches of the universe. I want to show young people how dangerous this illness is. " I think what makes me so sad about this is that she wanted to recover, she wanted to live a full life, and yet she wasn't able to do it on her own. Anorexia is a mental illness, and it is extremely difficult for one to recover on her own. I guess I just wonder if her death could have been prevented. Why did the people around her continue to allow her to be the face of anorexia in the media, rather than helping her take the steps to health that she could not take on her own? I am not saying that her death is the fault of her acting coach, or booking agent, or doctor, or whomever, but when someone suffering from an eating disorder reaches a certain point (not just weight wise- but health wise), hospitalization/treatment is necessary for recovery. How is it that she was made famous by her eating disorder, and yet people stood by and let her continue in it? I'm angry that she was encouraged and supported to keep putting herself out there and it makes me wonder why the people closest to her did not stop her and lovingly get her the help that she needed. I know that the sufferer has to want to recover, and no one can force recovery, but it sounds like she did want to recover.. she just was not able to do it on her own, like so many others. I don't know if the people around Isabelle tried to get her into some kind of treatment, and I would have to imagine (or hope) that they tried at some point. But I think this whole story highlights both the nature of anorexia as a mental illness AND the importance of people receiving the appropriate care, treatment and help that they need-- and how sometimes that means that they NEED help from others in order to get there.

Secondly, the Italian fashion house that promoted Isabelle's 'no anorexia' campaign wanted to support Caro by using " the naked body to show everyone the reality of this illness, caused in most cases by the stereotypes imposed by the world of fashion. " I think that eating disorder education certainly needs to happen, and I respect the efforts of those involved to that end. What concerns me is that eating disorders are not caused by the fashion industry. Certainly the thin ideal, the unrealistic standard of beauty created by the media etc contributes, but if the fashion industry causes eating disorders, then why do we not all have them? It is because eating disorders are caused by many different factors, including significant genetic ones. 

I guess all of this got me thinking again about helpful ways to educate people about eating disorders. How do we effectively portray the severity and danger of an eating disorder while also not plastering photos around that can be more triggering and harmful than good for people to see? When someone suffering from an eating disorder sees a deathly looking skeletal body and may not look the same, she may be tempted to think that she is not really suffering or struggling as badly, or that her health is not being impacted. And in some ways, images further stereotype what an eating disorder 'looks like.' One in four college aged women suffers from eating disorders, but that does not mean that one in four college aged women are walking around looking like skeletons... or that their eating disorders are any less of a threat to their health because of what they look like. I think we need to be careful about how we communicate about eating disorders. I don't know that I have any good global solutions at this point, but I think it's important and necessary to ask the questions. 

In all of this, I am just sad that another life has been lost as a result of a devastating mental illness. I hope that her death is not in vain, and that she may serve as a reminder to all of us that anorexia (in addition to other eating disorders) is a real and dangerous illness that is capable of tragic outcomes when not treated.  

Giving Thanks for 2010

While I'm not so much into New Years Resolutions, I am definitely into the excitement of new beginnings and fresh starts... as well as the hope that accompanies a New Year.. hope for the exciting, challenging, life-giving experiences and events that are to come. At this time of the year, I think we can get so caught up in making goals for the new year (in addition to thinking about the goals that we maybe didn't reach or achieve from this past year)... that I think sometimes we forget to look back and consider all of the things that we have experienced and learned. In this spirit of remembrance and gratitude (and nostalgia!!), I wanted to take a minute to give thanks for a few meaningful things and experiences that occurred in my life this last year. And I would encourage you to do the same as you look both behind and ahead!!

My Office, North Raleigh !!

I am so thankful for the opportunity to do what I LOVE (therapy!), to have an office that I love (that's my office on the left!), and to share office space with a friend I love. As if that weren't enough, a new Whole Foods is opening in just a month right across the street from my office.. I sure have a lot to be thankful for :). 


Of course, it doesn't mean that the transition into having my own practice this year has been without its bumps, but I have SO enjoyed being out on my own, I have learned so much professionally and personally, and truly could not be happier. Sometimes big changes can be daunting... Ray Bradbury's quote about courage often comes to mind.. that sometimes when you leap off a cliff you have to learn to build your wings on the way down. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have had to build my wings these last few years and for the awesome people in my life who have helped me to develop these wings so that I could float and fly this year when I needed to...

I am also so encouraged and energized by the people that I work with each day, and learn so much about life and the human condition from each person that I meet. I am thankful that people let me into their lives and are willing to share their hearts, their struggles and their fears, including those of you who read my blog. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me as well. 

I have to say that I am also thankful for new experiences that I have had this year, visiting and seeing new places, 'making new friends and keeping the old', and for all of the chances I have had to grow, change, learn and love. I am excited to see what 2011 brings. I am confident that this next year will usher in both challenges and opportunities, both of which I look forward to...  

I took this picture while I was sailing in Maui in July... !

   

In light of a new year approaching that is sure to be full of new experiences and new challenges, I wanted to mention that I love getting feedback from readers about what YOU want to be reading about! If there is ever a topic or a question that you have that you would like for me to attempt to address, please let me know! You can send me an email at MeredithStokkeNCC@gmail.com, or you can post a comment beneath this post or following any post! Hope you all are enjoying what is left of 2010!!  

Merry Christmas!! : )

Helpful Hints for the Holidays...

I came across this creative acronym below ('happy holidays') on a site called 'Something Fishy'-- a resource for eating disorder information, as well as referral sources for treatment care providers. Anyways, Sharon Sward is the one who created this acronym, and it is a little tool that serves to remind us of some helpful things during a season in which food can be a central part of celebrations, and consequently can cause anxiety, discomfort, urges and triggering thoughts and feelings. Check it out below... 

Hunger means you eat when physically hungry instead of emotionally hungry.

Attitudes about your size have to do with the size of your heart instead of the size of your body.

People accept and value you for who you are, not according to how you look.

Problems are resolved in ways other than stuffing your feelings with food.

You spend as much time and energy on helping others as you do on how you look.

Happiness comes from within rather than from expectations of others.

Occasions for the holidays emphasize relating to others instead of emphasizing food.

Love of self means you deserve to treat yourself in the best humanly possible way.

Identity of self involves more than how you look.

Disapproval of self is changed to approval of who you are.

Acceptance of what one can not change includes your body features.

You treat yourself as you treat your best friend.

Society values you for being you without emphasis to your weight or size.

by: Sharon Sward, President of Eating Disorder Professionals of Colorado

Author of You Are More Than What You Weigh

Radio Talk Show Host on self-esteem, weight, and eating disorders

Jenifer Ringer: A Body Image Role Model for the Holidays

One of my favorite Christmas traditions growing up?? Going to see the Nutcracker Ballet. I was pretty involved in ballet until the 7th grade, so it made the ballet even that much more meaningful and special to me. I have to say it's been a few years since I've gone- I think the last time I went I saw a very 'interesting' production at the Raleigh Memorial Theatre that featured a more modern interpretation and ballet style. Because I have such positive and warm memories surrounding the Nutcracker, it was even more sad to hear about what happened recently- that something so festive and beautiful could turn into an opportunity for criticism and ignorance. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, there was a pretty big controversy recently over some comments that dance critic Alistair Macaulay from the NY Times wrote about Jenifer Ringer, the ballerina playing the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy in the New York City Ballet's production of the Nutcracker. His critical comments were focused on her weight, which is bad enough- but she has been open about her struggles with anorexia and disordered eating in the past, which seemed to make this critique even more upsetting, disappointing, and irresponsible. Ringer was interviewed on the Today Show by Ann Curry, and I was extremely moved by how strong, gracious, articulate and healthy she was in communicating about the whole thing! This clip below is the segment that was featured- it provides the backstory as to what actually happened, and also includes the interview with Ringer. In total it is about 7 minutes, and I would really encourage you to watch it. (I have watched it a few times!!) She does a fabulous job of articulating that being a dancer did not cause her eating disorder (she busted an ED myth!) and around the 6:40 mark she has some very encouraging words for us about our bodies. Check it out below.

On Numbers...

I received a comment on my blog the other day that really impacted me (which I appreciated! ... I always like hearing feedback and being able to engage with different perspectives and thoughts about issues of all kinds- so I encourage comments!!). Anyways, in my last post about the holidays, I mentioned that 'fat talk' seems to be at an all time high. I also mentioned that while at a holiday party recently, someone asked me how much I weigh. While I was a little taken aback at the question and found a way to evade it creatively (I actually don't own a scale), I also (flippantly) wrote that a number is just a number. The comment that got me thinking was made by an anonymous reader, who challenged my statement that a number is just a number.

Here is what the reader had to say, "You say a number is just a number and so therefore, it doesn't mean anything... but you couldn't be more wrong. It's the rational and easy thing to say but numbers are what drive most people, both good and bad. It's pathetic, but the truth is when you have a good day on the scale, you feel like you can conquer anything."

I can't say that there haven't been times when numbers haven't defined me. One example? Grades! My GPA mattered way too much to me. And I sometimes think about how hard I worked and how much pressure I put on myself-- and how little it would have mattered if I had gotten a B, or ten. I don't think one person has asked me what my GPA in grad school was... and that's because it doesn't matter what my grades were... it matters if I am skilled at what I do, if I have knowledge and the ability to apply it practically, if I have a good work ethic, if I am honest, if I have integrity, if I do my best. Those are all qualities that cannot be measured by a number.

In that same vein, how is it that a number- whether on a scale, in a bank account or on a friends list on facebook- can have the power to define my value or give me the ability to be all that I was created to be and do? While I certainly can identify with numbers providing a sense of self-worth, I know that they are ultimately meaningless. The best things in life cannot be confined to or defined by numbers: friendship, love, faith, family... When the temptation sets in for us to believe the lie that the number on the scale (or any other number) is what makes us successful, what makes us good enough, or what makes us attractive- it is helpful and critical to remember that the most important things and experiences can never be defined by numbers.

One thing that I have noticed is how intense 'fat talk' and 'diet talk' have gotten around this holiday season. Perhaps this is a result of the holidays becoming increasingly about food and the increasing obsession with the diets and dieting that is just part of our diet-crazed culture!! It just seems like there are more comments about food being made, who is eating or not eating what, who has gained weight and who has lost it, etc... The sad thing to me is that there are sooo many more interesting things to talk about!!! I was actually at a holiday party recently and someone (who probably doesn't read my blog-haha) was going around asking me and others how much we weigh (!!). A number is just a number, but if it's just a number and it doesn't mean anything, then why waste breath/energy/time talking about it? (I had fun with that question, by the way!!)

I heard someone say awhile ago that food should be neutral- like toothpaste. I'm still working out the analogy as to whether I think it's helpful :) But here is what I have so far- Do we have fears about toothpaste? No, not typically. Do we think about it much? No, not really. We do notice it when we're brushing our teeth, we notice that we like some kinds of toothpaste and dislike others... and we might also recognize the purpose that toothpaste serves... which is to clean our teeth! Granted, toothpaste is not food, and the analogy is not perfect but if we can strive to approach food mindfully, noticing what we like, noticing our hunger cues and honoring them, and working to meet our nutritional needs in order that we might have energy to live full lives (purpose!), then I think we are heading in a positive direction.

As you celebrate the holidays this year- and the days leading up to them, take some time to reflect on how you might respond to 'fat talk', 'diet talk' or conversations about weight and food that may not be healthy. Change starts with ourselves, so perhaps you can focus first on your own thoughts! For more on beating fat talk, follow this link, this one, or this one!

World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS Day. While I typically blog about eating disorders, body image and beauty, I sometimes like to take a minute to write about other things that are on my heart! And today, this is one of them.

Last night, I was talking to one of my best friends who lives in Chicago... we don't always have the best luck connecting via phone (she is a resident who works nights sometimes- think Grey's Anatomy) but when we do, we usually laugh a lot and have really good conversations about our lives. We share a passion for Africa, and she introduced me to vanilla chai (my favorite) at the first Student Global AIDS Campaign meeting we went to in college- thanks, Ali:). She is currently an OBGYN resident at Northwestern- and is one of the smartest, funnest girls I know. Well this past year, through a series of chaotic circumstances one night at work, she ended up getting stuck with an HIV infected needle. I was scared when she asked me to pray for her, but thankfully, the risk of contracting HIV this way is very low. Still, as small as the risk was, there was still a chance that she could be HIV positive... and that was scary! After several tests (and weeks of anti-retroviral drugs), her results came back negative. I was and still am so thankful that she is ok! (So is her husband!:))

In light of it being World AIDS Day, I was thinking about how lucky she was to have access to ARV drugs. These drugs are expensive and not everyone has access to them. The theme this year for World AIDS Day 2010 is 'Universal Access and Human Rights.' Human rights violations (sex trade and trafficking) fuel the incidence of HIV. The focus this year is on protecting human rights while also working to provide better prevention efforts globally as a means of cutting the occurrence of transmission. Take some time today to think about your health, your body, your rights as a person, and consider how you might help someone who isn't as fortunate to have what you do. To learn more about World AIDS Day, and ways that you can get involved, follow this link.