Body Image Role Models...

There have been a lot of articles, blog posts, etc. circulating this week on behalf of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). I read one in particular today that I wanted to share. It is awesome. Dara Chadwick, an author and blogger ("You'd Be So Pretty If...") often writes about her experiences navigating through body image issues as the mother of a small daughter. In her post, she was addressing the issue about whether or not mothers can be body image role models for their daughters if they have body hang-ups of their own. The cool thing about her post is that having children or daughters does not make this post any more or less relevant. I think this is an important question for all of us!! How do we model positive body image to friends, family members, etc, if we sometimes have those days when we don't exactly feel so hot?? What does it mean to have a healthy body image? I love this post. Check it out below-


This past week, I did a reading and body image talk at a local library. I love talking to small gatherings because they often turn into interesting and thought-provoking discussions, and I adore the energy of a great exchange of ideas.

During our discussion, one participant -- who runs a program for teen girls through an area women's resource center -- mentioned that she often struggles with talking to "her girls" about body image because she herself doesn't always feel good about her body. It's a question I hear from moms time and again (and one that inspired the subtitle of You'd Be So Pretty If...) -- how can I raise a daughter who feels good about her body when I don't feel good about my own?

I understand that feeling. Believe me, on days when I look in the mirror and find myself displeased with the image that greets me, I feel like a hypocrite. What kind of body image role model am I if I can't accept myself as I am, always?

But as I thought more about that very question, I came to this conclusion: I'm a good body image role model. To borrow a theme from Oprah, what I know for sure from all my thinking, writing and talking about body image is that perfection doesn't exist, including being the perfect role model. There's no finish line in the body image race -- no point at which we can say, "That's it. I'm done." Self-acceptance is a process, and the reality is that we'll be better at it on some days than others.

Here's what I can say with clarity: Awareness is key. Being aware of -- and owning -- the ways that we disparage, belittle, sabotage and beat up on ourselves is the first step in building a healthier body image. Negative thoughts might creep in from time to time, but I can stop, acknowledge them and re-direct my thinking. In doing so, I build my capacity for breaking the cycle of negative thinking and for re-framing my thoughts in a more positive way. And, in time, positive thinking builds on itself and changes the way we see and talk about ourselves.

Making that choice every day, and teaching others that they can make a similar choice, is at the heart of being a good body image role model.

So, no, you don't have to never have a negative thought or love everything about the way you look to set a great example. You just have to be willing to challenge what you think you see.

Here's to all the body image role models out there.

In other news, I am looking forward to hearing my friend and colleague Ellen Morrison speak tonight at Meredith College on "How to Help Others With Eating Disorders." If you are in Raleigh, come on out- she is speaking at 7pm in Ledford Hall (it's free!) to raise awareness about eating disorders in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). 

Love Your Body Week (a movement started by the National Organization for Women Foundation) happens to coincide with National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. In honor of both (which started yesterday!!), I thought I would share this video below. It has a really encouraging, positive message about loving ourselves and our bodies. As they are. Students at the University of Utah made this video, which is pretty awesome.

For more information on how you can get involved or participate in events taking place in your community this week, follow this link. You don't even need to plan an event or attend an event to make a difference! Doing just one thing this week to raise awareness is key! Educate yourself by reading something new, share some myths about eating disorders with someone that you know (who doesn't know!), contribute your time or money to a local or national organization spreading messages about positive body image.  No matter how big or small, everything counts :) If you live in Raleigh, follow this link to check out free ways you can be involved this week!

Project HEAL: A Special Event for National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

In the past, I have written a little bit about Project HEAL. If you haven't had a chance to check out my interviews with the ladies who founded this awesome non-profit, follow this link (and this one too!). I recently got an email from the ladies and they asked me to share the following info with you regarding an event they are hosting in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Check it out below!

“IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT”- 

NATIONAL EATING DISORDER AWARENESS WEEK

PLEASE JOIN US FOR
THE HEALING DAY
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20TH, 2011
$20.00 in advance; PayPalhttps://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=9AIAZefxSxmZVvqsqC1jWVmrigodANKc_V9YRwr8w-dJAsVZfb3uhvo6Z8K&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8d9384d85353843a619606282818e091d0

or send your tax-deductable contribution to:
Project HEAL
17 Barbera Road, Commack NY 11725

$25.00 at the door

The event is open to the community and will offer support for patients, parents, siblings, friends, teachers, professionals, etc.

While eating disorders are serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses, there is HELP available and recovery really is possible. It is important for those affected to remember that they are not alone in their struggle; others have recovered and are now living healthy fulfilling lives. Please join us as we continue to spread Project HEAL’s mission, to show sufferers that recovery can be attained, and to inspire all people to look beyond physical bodily appearances!

SPEAKERS
Dr. DeSarbo: Board Certified Psychiatrist specialized in the treatment of eating disorders.
Christina Carrad: LPC, LCAT, ATR-BC, Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Creative Art Therapist, Board Certified and Registered Art Therapist

SPECIAL GUESTMichael Albert: The New York POP Artist will be hosting a workshop known as the "Modern Pop Art Experience", a program where he talks about his art, and then runs hands-on "Cereal Box Collage"  

Happy Hearts Day!!

Some people (most people?) see Valentine's Day as a big old Hallmark holiday. Let's be honest.. it kind of is. But let me be the first to say that I am a huge fan of Valentine's Day. What a great excuse to tell your friends, family and special one how much they mean to you. Not to mention you get to enjoy lots of pink and red, and candy hearts too!

Anyways, some people feel like Valentine's is all about romance, so for those without a special someone, this day is often referred to as 'Singles Awareness Day'. But- and I really believe this- I think Valentine's Day can be about so much more! Yes, I am a big believer in telling loved ones how we feel about them throughout the year (not just on one token day!), but why not take the opportunity to do it (too) on February 14th since Hallmark makes it pretty easy for us? :) 

More importantly though, it's crucial to point out that all the love going around on Valentine's Day is a reminder that the most important relationship we all have is the one we have with ourselves!! If you don't truly love yourself, how can others love you? I love this quote (made famous by a TV show that is no longer on the air! see if you can guess where it is from!), " The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous!" If you are someone who hates Valentine's Day, you can keep hating it :). But... I hope this is a positive message for each of you who reads this, to remember to LOVE yourselves just the way that God made you! You are beautiful.

One of the things that I have talked a LOT about in the past on my blog are the mixed messages that we often see in the media. And I have to tell you.. I had an interesting reaction to something I saw a few days ago. It was an article about Jane Fonda's recent Redbook Magazine cover. She opted to bare her 72-year old face without the use of photoshop for all to see. Great, right? Well.. I had a positive reaction, followed by a pretty strong negative reaction. And after thinking about my reactions, I had some thoughts I wanted to share (this is a long one for me- hope you can make it through!!).

I am all for actresses, models, women putting real non-photoshopped images of themselves out there for the world to see--they do in fact have wrinkles, blemishes, imperfections just like the rest of us. Why pretend it is any other way? That is why when I saw that Jane Fonda was posing for Redbook Magazine and not having the images photoshopped, I thought this was an encouraging move. This is something actresses and other famous women have begun to do... from Jessica Simpson, to Kim Kardashian, to Jamie Lee Curtis. I love that these women are courageous and bold enough to put themselves out there in a way that many don't. Fonda is quoted as saying, 


“I feel sorry for these young actresses coming up. If they have a dimple on their buttock, there’s a close-up of it in some gossip magazine. So there’s a cult of perfection. Consequently all the young people who emulate celebrities think they have to look perfect and that’s so destructive.”


She's right! There is a cult of perfection and it is SO destructive! In spite of agreeing with her, I had a really critical (bordering on major backlash) reaction when I remembered that Jane Fonda recently had plastic surgery (fall of 2010). It's difficult for me to see how she can make a statement about the cult of perfection while getting plastic surgery because she was tired of the bags under her eyes as a result of aging. It's such a mixed message and seems so blatantly hypocritical! What message is she sending to the 'young people who emulate celebrities'??


In spite of my righteous anger :-), being critical doesn't help solve any problems. It is one thing to think critically, and another to just be critical. I think the more that I experience and live, I am coming to terms with the reality that we are surrounded by mixed messages all. the. time. And that is why healthy living, healthy self esteem, beauty ideals, etc.. are so hard to create and navigate. When 'role models' on magazine covers, who are bragging about going without photoshop, have also had plastic surgery and serious cosmetic enhancement, what are we supposed to do with that?? 


It's a confusing world we live in. While it is great that Fonda believes this cult of perfection is destructive (since it is), she reinforces this 'cult' by getting plastic surgery to counteract aging. One thing I started to think about is that maybe we (me included--clearly!!) need to respond with compassion. Why compassion? Compassion doesn't mean we ignore hypocrisy, but perhaps with a little compassion, we come to acknowledge the extent of the pressures that Fonda, and other actresses have succumbed to in all of this confusion. If what we 'normal' women experience isn't tough enough some days, imagine what it must be like to live in Hollywood with the pressures of the media, paparazzi, critics, etc. While these women often serve to reinforce and perpetuate unhealthy ideals, they are stuck themselves in this prison by trying to live up to other celebrity women and the media that they themselves are creating. I can't help but feel like this is such a vicious cycle that all points to the need for us to massively rehaul and redefine 'beauty' --and all that entails. I mentioned Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson earlier, women who have both tried to maintain healthy images, but who have been major offenders (diet pills, fad diets, etc). While I am not condoning hypocrisy, I know that it's easier to sit here and point the finger rather than to consider why we all do the things that we do. Perhaps a little compassion might help us to more carefully consider our own actions so as not to act in ways that are hypocritical and damaging to ourselves and others. And maybe, we recognize that rehauling and redefining beauty is a gradual process, one filled with steps forward and sometimes backwards, and that by extending grace to ourselves, we also must extend grace to others, especially those who are dealing with enormous pressure who sometimes make bad judgment calls. We all deserve chances to change. Insight is necessary if change is going to be made, so it is okay to think critically, observe and notice these inconsistencies. Committing to a compassionate approach though may be something to try...

Happy February!! :)

February is here!! And I hope that our furry friend pictured to the left- Mr. Punxsutawney Phil- is right about us having an early Spring this year :-) It might break my heart if he is wrong.. it has been a cold winter and I am ready for some sunshine and warmer temps! While I am definitely excited about a potentially shorter winter, I am also pretty excited about some events coming up a little later this month! National Eating Disorders Awareness Week takes place during the week of February 20-26, and there are some AWESOME events happening in Raleigh. If you are interested in volunteering, or if you are interested in participating in any of the events, please please RSVP or send an email through the website (or feel free to send me an email as well!). Follow this link for more info. 


Here is a list of the upcoming events that will all be held at Meredith College (descriptions of these events are listed in more detail on the Raleigh NEDA Walk website) :

Sunday, February 20th
Scale Smashing Event- 1pm 
Outside Gaddy-Hamrick Art Center 


Monday, February 21st
Art Display and Information Booth
12-4 Cate Center (info booth)
Art displayed all week throughout the Math & Science Atrium


Tuesday, February 22nd
"How to Help Others with Eating Disorders"- A Talk Given by Ellen Morrison, MS, RD/LDN, with a recovered patient.
7pm Ledford Hall


Wednesday, February 23rd
Health Day (for Meredith students only, sorry!!!)


Thursday, February 24th
Film 'Beauty Mark' shown followed by panel discussion! 
7pm in Jones Chapel.


Friday, February 25th
Fashion Show and Art Show
7pm Johnson Hall


These events lead up to the Raleigh NEDA Walk that will take place at Meredith College on April 3! For more information on these events, how to sign up, volunteer, or participate, please follow this link!


One quick disclaimer- the fashion show that will take place on February 25th is not your typical fashion show!! Women have been nominated to walk in the show based on personal accomplishments, leadership skills and exemplary qualities that have stood out to friends, families and co-workers of these women. They will walk, exhibiting and displaying what real beauty looks like. What a cool idea!

Baby Don't You Change...

It's a gloomy, slightly drizzly Monday afternoon in Raleigh, and I am listening to some good, happy Monday music- Tyrone Wells. One of his songs that I really like is called Baby Don't You Change. One of my friends that heard TW play live a few months back told me that before he played this song, he gave a little spiel on wanting women to feel loved, that he wants women to have positive body image, and that he wants women to know that they don't need to change to be beautiful, or look like models to be beautiful! Now there's a positive, refreshing message you don't always hear in music lyrics today!! I thought I'd share, so here it is- enjoy!!

It's National Compliment Day! : )

I just found out it's National Compliment Day!! Which of course calls for a blog post, right?! Things have been a little busy for me lately... so I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like to. BUT, who can pass up National Compliment Day? 


Regardless of when you actually read this post, make sure that you are taking time to tell your loved ones, family members, friends, co-workers, the person bagging your groceries, your mailman, etc. what you appreciate about them! It never hurts to hear :) A little positive affirmation can go a long way! And, you just never know what a kind word can do for someone.  In that same vein, don't forget to remember the things you like about yourself!! It not only helps to build your confidence, but the way that we think impacts how we feel and how we act. You can start a positive chain reaction simply by having a positive thought!


Soo- Make it your goal to tell at least one person today what you appreciate about them! Ready... go! 

A Little Update...

Back in April, I felt inspired to re-post a blog that Nancy Matsumoto wrote regarding the dilemma of when to speak up and express concern over a friend's eating disorder. You can read that post here. Nancy is a blogger (she blogs over at Eating Disorders and Nutritional News), but she is also an accomplished writer, as well as a friend that I have mentioned on my blog many times. Recently, a reader of mine responded to that particular blog post and was really touched by what Nancy had written. I shared that with Nancy, who then wrote a follow up blog. If you are interested in checking that out (it's a good one!), follow this link. Thanks to Nancy for her kind and compassionate words on such a difficult topic!

Save the Date!!!

I have been SO excited about this event as its been in the early planning stages for the last few months, and I wanted to share with all of you that on April 3, 2011, Raleigh will host its first NEDA WALK!! There are some great and amazing people that have been working so hard to help plan a great event, which will hopefully raise much needed funds to benefit eating disorder research and also raise awareness about eating disorders. I will be posting periodic updates about details and events that will be happening during National Eating Disorder Awareness Week as well as the walk itself. I am so excited to be a part of this and am really looking forward to April 3!! If you are interested in being apart of the Raleigh NEDA Walk 2011 in some capacity... whether volunteering, sponsoring/donating, or registering to participate in the walk, check out our website here. You will also find out more information about the walk on our site. If you have any questions, please feel free to send me an email at MeredithStokkeNCC@gmail.com, or contact the walk coordinator, Michelle Adolphsen at RaleighNedaWalk@gmail.com.