Race For The Cure and Body Image

The Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure took place in Raleigh, NC this past Saturday, and it was such an inspiring event. It held special meaning for me, as I have a grandmother and an aunt who have both battled breast cancer-- and survived!!! My aunt was actually in town from Oregon for follow up care at Duke, and so we formed a group and all participated together in this event. I have heard that participating in a Komen race is very different than other races, and as a first time participant, I think I saw why. First, there were SOOO many people that participated. If you look at the picture below-- it is a little tough to make out-- but as far as you can see, there are people that fill up the streets.

The other thing that seemed different to me was the heart and spirit in this event. I think that most people participating had been touched in some way by breast cancer. While my grandma and aunt are survivors, not everyone wins their battle with breast cancer. One of my friends that participated on our team lost her mother to breast cancer. Many, many people have lost loved ones to this illness and it is really heartbreaking.

The picture below is actually a shot of a few of the women that were on our team-- "Breast of Friends" : ) and you will notice the hot pink paper on these women's backs. These hot pink sheets of paper served as memorials to write names of people that you were walking in celebration of (survival), or in memory of, for those who have passed away. It was really sobering and emotional to see all of the names of people who have lost their lives to this illness. I think anytime, with any illness or disease, seeing names or faces make an impact because it personalizes the illness. In talking to my aunt over the course of her visit to Raleigh, she shared with me that battling and surviving breast cancer has changed her life and the way that she lives it in so many ways. One thing that she said that stood out to me was that she is thankful every single morning when she wakes up and realizes how blessed she is to be alive, and to have a body that works and is healthy.
This really impacted me and made me consider how her wise words can be applied to those of us who have not battled breast cancer! First, I think that her attitude of thankfulness is one to be emulated. There are a million ways that having an attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness can impact us-- as well as those around us. Whether it means that we worry a little less, we appreciate what we have more, or take our eyes off of what we lack and what we wish we had and focus on what we do have, it is always good to have perspective, and to live in a way that reflects that attitude.

Secondly, I think that this relates to body image and the ways that we think of and care for our bodies. I want to be clear, like I am often, that eating disorders are a mental illness. Part of having an eating disorder (diagnostically) is experiencing a severe disturbance and preoccupation with one's weight, shape, size, body-- so this is in no way meant to minimize the severity and nature of these thoughts. What I will say though, is that for those of us who struggle with body image and have a negative self-image, this may be a good reminder and an encouragement about all that our bodies can do for us, and how blessed we are to have bodies that are able to function how they are supposed to, that allow us to be active, and that allow us to experience life! Yes, it may be upsetting when our jeans fit more snug; yes, it may get you down when you flip through a magazine and see nothing but airbrushed 'beauties'; and yes, it may be frustrating when you don't feel good about yourself! These are all feelings that most women have experienced before, so you are not alone! But I will encourage you with the words of my brave aunt, who said that she wakes up every morning, thankful to be alive and to have a body that works. Rather than focus so much on the way that our bodies look, maybe if we start to appreciate all that our bodies do for us, and the fact that they allow us to experience life, we may begin to embrace our bodies a little more and appreciate them for what they are and what they do for us.

Some of you may have heard about the t- shirt that Urban Outfitters recently pulled from their online catalogue after much hate mail was received. The shirt said 'Eat Less' and was featured on a waif-y model. It is hard to believe that they actually went there! But they did, and while it may have been to generate some publicity (tacky, much?), enough people protested that they thankfully took it off of their website. I also heard that the shirt has been pulled from stores--so hopefully that is true!

A couple of my therapist friends who I got to know while doing some contract work at the Carolina House brought an awesome article to my attention that I just have to share. Below is this article that was published in Durham's Independent Weekly newspaper and written by Rebekah L. Cowell (follow this link to see the article) about some local women who are in recovery and working towards exposing myths about eating disorders that this t-shirt's message was perpetuating.

Amy Lambert used to tell herself what Urban Outfitters is telling millions of other young women: Eat Less.

It wasn't unusual for Lambert, who had an eating disorder for more than eight years, to consume little more than one container of yogurt in a day. Now recovering, Lambert led a protest last week outside of Urban Outfitters at Southpoint mall in Durham.

Last week, Urban Outfitters placed in their online catalogue a gray V-neck T-shirt worn by a rail-like young woman. On the front, in script, the words "Eat Less."

"Urban Outfitters targets a young demographic, and they are reinforcing the idea that eating disorders are a choice, not an illness," she said.

Four other women from a Durham Eating Disorder Support Group joined the peaceful protest, brandishing signs that read, "Messages Can Re-Enforce Deadly Beliefs" and distributing fliers titled "Messages in Media: 'Eat Less' is Humor That's Not Funny."

Mall security shut down the protest 30 minutes later.

"We want to make it a friendly family environment," said Public Safety Officer Sellers, who refused to disclose her first name. "We can't just have people here doing that [protesting and handing out literature]."

Urban Outfitters did not return the Indy's calls or e-mails regarding the ad campaign, but after national outcry the T-shirt was removed from the chain's website, though the shirts that have already been shipped will be in stores. When the Indy visited the store and asked for the T-shirt, it was not on the sales floor. An employee who didn't want to be named called the slogan "harsh."

At least 24 million Americans suffer from eating disorders, which have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Twenty percent of people with an eating disorder will die prematurely from complications related to their disease. Telling an individual with an eating disorder to "eat less" aggravates emotional, psychological and physical issues. And for those still stuck in dangerous patterns, it is a message of validation, says Chase Bannister, clinical director for Carolina House.

In fact, the T-shirt has been posted on "pro-anorexia" sites as a source of "thinspiration."

"The banner-statement 'Eat Less' can be a stinging trigger for women and men with anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder," Bannister added, "ultimately providing reinforcement for the distorted belief our patients work so hard to stamp out: 'I will never be okay unless I'm thin.'

The women said by holding the protest, they sought to empower themselves and spread a message of acceptance for a healthy body. Sandy Yarnall had anorexia for more than half of her life. She finally received treatment in 2008. "I struggle every day with wanting to go back to a very unhealthy size, and where I was before recovery, and seeing that message did distress me."

Rebecca Clemins has had an eating disorder for 25 years. "Urban Outfitters put this tee on a waif-like model, which enforces the idea that being waif-like is preferred, and they are encouraging a lifestyle that is killing young women," she said.

"I can't imagine endorsing something that creates so much misery," said Carson Hadley, who developed her eating disorder in eighth grade. She had to drop out of high school during her senior year to get in-patient treatment at Carolina House. "That shirt reminded of what I can't be if I want to live."

I am so proud of the women who participated in this protest, shared their stories, fought to raise awareness and exposed myths about eating disorders. This can certainly be an inspiring act for those with eating disorders who are working towards health to see- that not only is recovery very possible, but that it can also be empowering to take a stand and work towards educating people about the truth about eating disorders.

Anyone Need a Body Image Boost??

While the first official day of Summer has not yet arrived (it's June 21st if anyone was wondering!), Memorial Day has come and gone and regardless of where you live, the weather is probably/hopefully starting to get a little warmer. I know that here in Raleigh, NC, the weather has been downright HOT. These 90 degree days filled with humidity have me a little concerned about what August may bring. But at least it's finally pool weather right???

Well, for some women (I would bet most), warmer weather and getting into a bathing suit can trigger anything from a few nerves to a full on panic attack. The obsession with our bodies continues to reach new heights, and sometimes what we need is to step back and get a giant body image boost. Dr. Michael Levine and Dr Linda Smolak, together with NEDA, compiled a list of 10 "will-powers" for improving body image. I have been using this list with some of my clients lately (because I think that it is pretty great), and because I have gotten a lot of feedback on how helpful it has been, I wanted to share a few of them with all of you. My hope is that the following list may help us all to spend more time enjoying the sunshine, the company of friends and family, and the water this summer, rather than focusing on what we perceive to be the flaws and faults in our bodies!

1. I will ask myself, "Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believe are the flaws in my body weight or shape?

2. I will think of 3 reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people are happier or 'better.' I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare my body shape to someone.

3. I will surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

4. I will practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel and do. Not for how slender, or 'well put together' they appear.

5. I will list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding, intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat those to myself whenever I start to feel bad about my body.

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

A picture is worth a thousand words- those of which I will not be writing :-) But I did want to post this image of Madonna's face, which is only half photoshopped-because it's a good reminder that what we see in print does not always exist in real life...

Athletes and Eating Disorders- Part 2

If you missed part 1 of Athletes and Eating Disorders, you can scroll down a little to read it, or you can click here! I had the honor of interviewing Nancy Matsumoto (co-author of The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders and a free-lance writer in NYC--follow this link for more on Nancy!), who is working on completing Toolkits for NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association) that are geared towards coaches and trainers. Both disordered eating and eating disorders impact many athletes, and one of the ways to promote health amongst athletes is to educate coaches and trainers, who are in unique positions of influence to point athletes towards the proper treatment and care of their bodies. Nancy, in my previous post, mentioned a phenomenon called the Female Athlete Triad, that I wanted to expand on (courtesy of NEDA).

Below is NEDA's description of this term/phenomenon:

The Female Athlete Triad includes 1) disordered eating, 2) loss of menstrual periods and 3) osteoporosis (loss of calcium resulting in weak bones). The lack of nutrition resulting from disordered eating can cause the loss of several or more consecutive periods. This in turn leads to calcium and bone loss, putting the athlete at greatly increased risk for stress fractures of the bones. Each of these conditions is a medical concern. Together they create serious health risks that may be life-threatening. While any female athlete can develop the triad, adolescent girls are most at risk because of the active biological changes and growth spurts, peer and social pressures, and rapidly changing life circumstances that go along with the teenage years. Males may develop similar syndromes.

The Female Athlete Triad puts female athletes at risk, and also inhibits their athletic performance. I am glad Nancy mentioned this because it is something that not many people know about (even in the field of eating disorders!). Below are the last few questions/answers of my interview with Nancy- I hope that you will find this informative (like I have)!

Me: What are some things that you have been struck by or learned about eating disorders and athletes through this process?

Nancy: One thing I’ve learned about athletics and eating disorders is that for the coach, the line between encouraging athletes to achieve peak performance levels and promoting unhealthy eating and training behaviors is blurred. For this reason, when coaches and trainers, are told they need to be more vigilant in spotting and addressing dangerous behaviors it can sound to them like their ability to do their jobs is being questioned and curtailed. They want to create winning athletes, and the traits that create champions—perfectionism, the desire to please coaches, and strong drive to succeed—are those often associated with eating disorders. They may fear that in order to encourage healthier behaviors among their athletes, they will have to discourage the very traits that make their athletes excel. What we hope the Toolkit will do is show that the better nourished and healthier the athlete is, the better her or his performance will be, and that although eating-disordered behaviors may seem to improve performance in the short run, in the long run they do not support athletic excellence.
Me: For many elite athletes who are competing at world class levels (whether collegiately, professionally, in the Olympics, etc), particularly in sports that may encourage (implicitly or explicitly) a high degree of scrutiny over body composition and weight for performance purposes (gymnastics, ice skating, running, wrestling, etc), eating disorders and disordered eating are increasing. Do you have any thoughts about how we might work towards helping athletes approach their performance and bodies from a more healthy standpoint?

Nancy: Yes, education and support for both athletes and coaches is very important. Some coaches are still not fully aware of the risks for and dangers of eating disorders among their athletes. We hope that once they do understand the facts, they will be open to discussing these risks with the team, stop making negative comments about weight or size, establish a zero tolerance policy for eating disordered behaviors, and foster a climate in which an athlete feels she or he can discuss these issues without fear of reprisal. For athletes, it’s great to have a sports nutritionist speak to the team about the importance of adequate fueling and hydration in their sport, to go over the warning signs for problem eating and exercise behaviors, and to encourage them to seek help at the earliest signs of a problem.

A lot of these strategies are about de-stigmatizing eating disorders, making athletes understand that disordered eating and eating disorders are a common problem among athletes, and that they can and should be discussed. Athletes should also know where there is help available, and that these problems can be solved with the right professional treatment. In many athletic settings, lack of knowledge about eating problems creates a climate of fear among eating-disordered athletes that makes it very difficult for them to admit to this problem. This causes a lot of suffering in silence. All the recovered athletes I spoke to talked about the tremendous stress of having to perform while also sustaining their disorder in secret.

When the Toolkits are completed and available, I will be sure to post a link so that any of you who may be interested in passing this information on to a coach you know, an athlete that you know, or if you are a coach/athlete yourself that desires this information, that you will be able to access it! By raising more awareness and promoting education for coaches and trainers, we can hopefully provide more care and restore health to those who are suffering from eating disorders and disordered eating. For more information on eating disorders, follow this link to access the National Eating Disorders Association site.

Athletes and Eating Disorders- Part 1

Just a few days ago, I was saddened to read about a 16 year old high school sophomore named Krista Phelps, who recently lost her battle to anorexia. A talented, high school athlete from Des Moines, Iowa, Phelps collapsed and died while running. Just a few days prior, she had been 'healthy' (according to this article) and competing in her second state track meet. The community is grieving this devastating loss, and in the midst of their grief, some interesting questions about athletes and eating disorders are being raised. This is not a new topic of discussion- many athletes have come forward to share their experiences with eating disorders and disordered eating (read about Tanith Belbin's story here). An anonymous coach is quoted in this article about Phelps as saying "anyone who's coached girls sports long enough knows of at least one [girl who has had an eating disorder]."

There seems to be a very fine line among athletes who train to be as fit as possible to achieve their best performance, while also remaining healthy and taking good care of themselves. It seems to me that coaches are in a unique position to pick up on warning signs and act as a liason for their athletes who may be struggling with an eating disorder by directing them towards the proper treatment. The challenge is that many coaches do not know what to look out for, and do not always know how to handle such fragile and potentially life-threatening situations! For that reason, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) has initated a project to make toolkits for trainers and coaches. Nancy Matsumoto, who co-authored The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders and has written for publications such as People Magazine, The LA Times, The NY Times and The Wall Street Journal (among others), has been appointed to create these toolkits. I had a chance to ask her a little more about how she got involved and what NEDA is doing to help come alongside coaches to support athletes who struggle with eating disorders. In light of Krista Phelps tragic death, I think this is something that would benefit us all to hear.
Me: I have been excited to hear that you are working with NEDA to make toolkits for trainers and coaches to help educate them about eating disorders. I know that this is still a work in progress and is not yet available, but can you share a little bit about your involvement with this project?

Nancy: Sure! Through my work as a former People magazine correspondent and as co-author with Marcia on The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders, I have reported various articles on eating disorders and body image. NEDA asked me to bid on the job of Toolkit Coordinator for their newest online Toolkit for coaches and trainers, and I was lucky enough to be contracted to do the job. NEDA’s existing online Toolkits are the Parent Toolkit and the EducatorToolkit. I started working on the Toolkit in January. At the moment, the Advisory Committee, made up of about a dozen experts in the field, is reviewing the Toolkit. We hope it will be online in late spring or summer, and will be publicized at the NEDA conference in New York City in the fall. We are now brainstorming on ways to publicize the Toolkit, so you can definitely help with that by telling your readers about it. If you have other ideas of ways to publicize the Toolkit, please let me know!
Me: What kind of information is being provided to trainers and coaches in these toolkits, and what are the goals of such a project?
Nancy: The first sections of the Coaches Toolkit will provide basic information on the different eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia and EDNOS, binge-eating disorder and disordered eating. It will answer frequently asked questions and debunk common myths about eating disorders; detail factors that put athletes at risk for eating disorders (for example participating in a weight-class sport, such as crew or wrestling, aesthetic sports, such as gymnastics or figure skating, or endurance sports, cross country, Nordic track skiing); discuss eating disorder symptoms common to athletes, and the Female Athlete Triad (a syndrome of three interlocking symptoms, disordered eating, irregular periods and low bone mass). There will be sections on encouraging healthy exercise among athletes, the role of the coach in eating disorders, and prevention among middle and high school athletes. Oh, and there will also be athletes’ own stories and conversations with professionals: nutritionists, psychologists and coaches themselves. The goal is to reach out to, educate and offer support to coaches and trainers who are on the front lines of eating disorders, but often do not know how to recognize or handle the problem.

I think that Nancy highlighted very well an issue that is all too common- coaches and trainers, who are on the front lines, need education and support to properly handle athletes with eating disorders. To see what else Nancy had to say, check back here soon for the rest of her interview! And to find out a little bit more about Nancy, follow this link to view her website!

An Open Letter to Shape Magazine

Below is the text of an email that I just sent to Shape Magazine, after seeing Kim Kardashian on its June 2010 cover. Kim Kardashian is famous for being the one time best friend of Paris Hilton and a reality TV star; she also happens to endorse QuickTrim, a diet supplement.

Dear Shape Magazine,

I may or may not have complained about your choice in cover girls prior (see here). To be honest, I don't want to dislike your magazine, but there is just no way I will ever buy it, or read it again in good conscience after seeing this month's cover featuring Kim Kardashian. I used to read your publication a lot in college, and even then, I recognized some of the mixed messages you often send to your readers. However, it's only been in the more recent past that I have seen just how crazy, blatant and dangerous some of these mixed messages are for readers.

Kim Kardashian endorses QuickTrim. QuickTrim, according to its website, "is among the best known weight loss supplements recently introduced. This line of 4 products has been created and marketed specifically by the Kardashian sisters. They claim that they will cleanse and detoxify your body, burn fat, and even reduce cellulite, working as a spot treatment for some." Just in case you were unaware, weight loss supplements are diet pills. For some reason, I thought that your magazine was trying to encourage women to be fit and healthy. But what I wonder now is that if by putting Kim on your cover, you are also condoning the use of diet pills by glorifying a celebrity who has been outspoken about her use of diet pills? Granted, if every female on every magazine cover was determined based on health, we may have a lot less cover girls (which says something), but this is the second time this year that you have chosen a cover girl who has been controversial.

I hope it doesn't seem like I am overreacting. Maybe my tirade will seem appropriate with a few facts. Diet pills lure people because they promise quick and easy weight loss, but they contain toxic ingredients and harmful substances that are seriously threatening to one's health. Most diet pills are not regulated by the FDA, which means that they may contain more of the hazardous chemicals than advertised, and the combinations that exist among the different substances may be lethal. Many diet pills have been banned after people taking them have died or have had serious complications as a result- ephedra, fen-phen, etc.. If that weren't bad news enough, diet pills can cause the following (pull up a chair- this is a long list): nervousness, restlessness, insomnia, high blood pressure, fatigue and hyperactivity, heart arrhythmias and palpitations, congestive heart failure or heart attack, stroke, headaches, dry mouth, vomitting and diarrhea or constipation, intestinal disturbances, tightness in chest, tingling in extremities, excessive persperation, dizziness, disruption in mentrual cycle, change in sex drive, hair loss, blurred vision, fever and urinary tract problems. Overdoses can cause tremors, confusion, hallucinations, shallow breathing, renal failure, heart attack and convulsions (taken from www.something-fishy.org).

It's hard to imagine (especially after reading this list of health risks) that you all would use a cover girl for your magazine who has been so open about her use of diet pills in order to achieve a body that she is comfortable with. I think it sends such a poor message to young girls and women and discredits any guise that your magazine has of health. Please consider that young girls and women read your magazine and pick up on these messages. 'Beauty' and being thin at any cost is not health.

Busting an Eating Disorder Myth..

We've all heard the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." When it comes to weight and eating disorders, I don't know if we have really operated this way. What I mean by this is represented in a commonly held myth about eating disorders-- which is that you can usually tell when someone has an eating disorder because of their size. Yes, when someone is very underweight, that is typically an obvious indicator that someone is anorexic. However, someone who struggles with either bulimia or an eating disorder not otherwise specified (also known as EDNOS- the third and only other current eating disorder (aside from anorexia and bulimia) recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is typically of average weight or overweight. In fact, you might be surprised to learn that you can't tell by looking at someone if they struggle with bulimia or not.

A recent article published on Newsweek.com addressed this myth. The article, entitled Finding A Healthy Medium: Eating Disorders Don't Discriminate Based on Size, by Kate Dailey, is one worth reading. It is so important to be aware of the facts and to know that eating disorders affect people of all shapes and sizes. This article also addresses BED (binge eating disorder). Follow this link to read the article.

On Airbrushing..

Britney Spears has certainly lived out a few ups and downs in the public eye, but over the past year or so, she has remained relatively under the radar. Think what you want of Britney--this isn't an opinion piece on the life and times of Miss Spears; the purpose of bringing her up is to highlight something that she did recently that will hopefully impact many women all over the world.

So what did she do? She shot some photos for Candies, a clothing/shoe brand, as part of their new ad campaign-- and allowed the brand to release the un-airbrushed photos alongside the digitally altered photos so that we could see the differences that exist between these photos. In a society where unrealistic standards of beauty continue to be perpetuated, this act is a breath of fresh air in that it provides women of all ages a very clear example of the way that what we see is not always real! For a culture (ours) that exalts the beauty we see in print ads and pictures in magazines, it is pretty disturbing that most of these images have been doctored and are not representative of reality. I think on some level we may realize this, but seeing it really drives the point home.

Let me just say... Britney looks great in both photos. While the difference in the two pictures is very small, it is important for women to see that even Britney Spears has a little bit of cellulite. Does that keep her from being beautiful? No! Does that keep her from being successful? No way! So then why is it that we are prone to think that a little cellulite can keep us from being good enough? Or beautiful? To view the pictures of Britney before and after, follow this link. Scroll all the way down to see both pictures. I wish I could post them on my blog but I'm too tech-unsaavy to figure out how to do it :-).

Celebrities acknowledging and releasing un-airbrushed photos has become somewhat of a trend lately- Kim Kardashian, Kelly Clarkson and Faith Hill have all spoken out about the way their photos have been altered in print. I think the take away point here is that we have to be discerning about what we see. When we see pictures in magazines (etc), we must remember that what we see is not always what is real. Considering how much value we often attribute to these images and the lengths to which so many of us go to in order to look like these women (and their bodies), ... it is a real wake-up call, since even they do not have these bodies! We might say that our culture has created an unattainable ideal of beauty, but just to be clear, it is actually unattainable! It is manufactured via photoshop! While it is pretty difficult to avoid these images, I would urge you to view media with discerning eyes because what we see is not representative of reality. So next time you are flipping through a magazine, just remember that what you are seeing is more than likely not an accurate representation of women, beauty and bodies.

Jenni Schaefer on Recovery

It's been a busy few days for me and it's time for bed, but I read a great piece today on eating disorder recovery written by Jenni Schaefer that I want to point you all to! It is a pretty challenging read for those of you who may be contemplating giving up your eating disorder, for those of you who are in recovery, and for everyone in between. Follow this link to check it out, or see below for a copy/pasted version.

Eating Disorder Recovery: Easier On The Other Side

If you are waiting for recovery to be easy, pull up a chair. You will be waiting for a long time. Ed (aka “eating disorder”) will gladly sit by your side and wait with you. To sabotage your success, Ed will even act like he supports certain aspects of your recovery.

If you like to read, Ed will say, “Just read this book about recovery, and you will be fine.” He will let you read the book, and congratulate you on doing it, but he won’t let you follow any of the guidance inside that will actually help you.

If you enjoy being around people, Ed will say, “Go to that therapy group, and get some help there.” Ed will let you go to the group, and may even let you participate, but he won’t let you talk about what you really need to talk about in order to heal.

If you like to surf the Internet, Ed will say, “Here’s a great website for you. Go ahead and join the online recovery forum.” He will let you join the online forum, and he will convince you that logging on is more important than eating.

Books, groups, and online resources can all be very helpful tools in your recovery. Just remember that recovery takes full commitment and real action. Real action is not simply opening a book, walking into a group room, or logging onto some website.

If you read a book about recovery, fully commit to the ideas in it that will make a difference in your life, not just the things that are easy to do. If you are in group therapy, talk about the issues that, deep inside, you know you need to discuss. If you are active in an online recovery community, use the positive support from online pals to hold yourself accountable to taking real action in your recovery. It’s not enough to just look at the tools—you really do have to use them.

Real action means drastic change. It also means realizing that Ed will sit by your side and try to sabotage you every step of the way. Ed will even use content from recovery books, groups, and websites to try to fuel his cause. Be aware of this and guard against it, and do what the books, groups, and websites suggest that is pro-recovery. Now that’s action.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “Half measures availed us nothing.” If you only do eating disorder recovery half way, at most, you will get a half way recovery from your eating disorder. In my experience, you won’t even get that.

During early recovery, I believed that insight would inspire change. I thought that if I just knew enough about eating disorders, and understood myself, I would get better. I learned as much as I could from all of the resources available to me, and I waited for a magical change. I waited for the urge to binge to just go away. I waited to fall in love with my body. I waited for my fear of food to simply subside. And Ed waited right along with me.

I waited. I waited, and I waited some more. I would still be waiting today if intense pain had not pushed me into taking some real action. In my personal experience, pain and discomfort have most often been the motivating factors to get me to change. (For the record, I don’t think it has to be this way. That is why I write about my experiences. I hope that other people won’t have to reach the same level of pain I did before making changes.)

In my recovery, taking action meant tackling the food directly. I stopped purging after bingeing. I also did my best to not binge, which meant tolerating uncomfortable feelings (to say the very least). I ate without restricting. My body changed accordingly, and I felt awful. I felt so bad that I told my mom many times that I would rather be dead than to live that way any longer. I hated the way my body was changing, and I hated how it made me feel inside even more. I felt like a different person entirely --- someone I didn’t know or like. I felt trapped.

When we fully commit to recovery, we are signing up for hurt. Full commitment means we no longer make decisions based on how we feel in the short run (turning to Ed for immediate gratification), but instead we make decisions based on our long-term goals of health and a full recovery. In the beginning, success can actually feel fat and miserable. So stop waiting for things to be easy and start looking for the hard part. Tackling the difficult, ironically, is when the “easy” will find you. If you push through the pain and move all the way to the other side, you won’t have to keep facing the same hurt over and over again. You will be well on your way to freedom.

Life is, in fact, much easier on the other side of the eating disorder. I am not afraid of food, I don’t get the urge to binge, and I love my body. Yes, I said “love”! Today success feels strong and joyful, no longer fat and miserable. I can’t wait for you to get to this point, too.

And you can’t afford to wait either! So, stop waiting and start changing.

Appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is a consultant with the Center For Change in Orem, Utah. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.